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Category: Books
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We are social by nature (Jean Liedloff: The Continuum Concept)
“You get what you expect in life, not what you want.”
– Jean LiedloffA beautiful video about nurturing your kids with proximity, touch and the crucial practice of letting them explore the world by themselves.
About trusting nature, our natural talents and our innate tendency to live up to social expectations – and how the latter can both benefit and damage us!
- How can we keep our little ones safe – and what really is safety?
- How can we teach them responsible behavior?
- How do we stop inadvertedly communicating to our kids that we do not believe they are capable of the task we are asking them to do?
- How do many of our common practices in hospital, daycare or home environment instill a sense of ‘something is wrong with me’… and what can we do about it?
- And what are the societal implications of this misguided behavior we as adults show towards kids?
- Moreover, how can we learn from indigenous cultures to restore our connection to our natural talents?
If you only want to see one strong example of how we inadvertedly teach our kids to be dependent and incapable, watch the example of Donovan and his mother starting at 34′. But truly the whole video is worth watching.
I found Jean a bit strong in her expressions in the beginning of the video but then I realised that she was speaking in a different time, from a different culture and that probably much of her work and tone are the reason I can now be a bit more relaxed about it.
We have instinctively been practicing the principles Jean mentions in this video. It feels only natural to nurture a deep and close connection with our kid (now 14 months old) while giving her space to explore the world and learn from ‘mistakes’.
This video (recommended by a dear friend) has been a huge inspiration and encouragement. We also took a few tips from it and I feel grateful to now understand one change I need to make: I will not raise my finger anymore to impose my authority. In the video, Jean will explain why.
Jean Liedloff’s has written The Continuum Concept.
The learnings I took from Jean also connect closely to Susan Stiffelman’s in Parenting with Presence, which I wrote about here.
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Parenting with Presence (book tip)
A little while ago, a friend had been cradling our then 13 month old daughter as she was struggling to sleep.
“She required nothing but complete presence,” he said afterwards, “or she would cry.”
Indeed, when he picked up a book, she would wake up and cry. For her to sleep, he had needed to sit with her in perfect stillness.
Now how’s that for a Zen practice?
But good parenting requires more. Perfect stillness at some times, creativity and strong action at others. And especially in those moments when it gets really hard, that’s where the magic happens: we either plant the seeds for further drama, or cut the chord connecting generations of suffering and set ourselves and our children free.
In Parenting with Presence (Nederlands: Opvoeden in het Nu, Deutsch: Kindererziehung im Jetzt), Susan Stiffelman helps parents find peace, joy and transformation through the everyday encounters with their children. She gives many examples of how we can raise our children and ourselves to be conscious, compassionate and centered human beings.
I loved this book. It made me even more aware of how connection is so important in any relationship – with myself, my child and my partner. It gave me a sense of lightness about parenting teenagers, which is not the phase that I am in yet but it will some day. And it is just super practical, going beyond wishful thinking pseudo-spiritual blabla into the knitty-gritty of real life parenting and its challenges.
Recommended by Eckhart Tolle.
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Breastfeeding and the circle of life
“It is pretty wonderful, this life cycle. I always found it interesting, how food is made and seeds grow and sunshine and rain become nutrition and we can eat and poo and seeds grow and so on. But now my body is taking that and making a whole new product and there is another little human being joining in my loop of life. I can’t get my head round it all. This brilliant earth. My brilliant digestive system.
Baby, I can’t tell you what a pleasure it is to feed you
Feet up in a dim-lit room, nothing but life between us
Milky silent gulping, face a blissful rest
Tiny fingers tapping on the spaces by my chest
Bellies beat together, slowly in and out
Heartbeats storm through tiny chest, tinted lips and mouth
As I sit and wait, I gaze again at our cherry blossom tree
As light to leaf to the air we breathe, now that system flows through me
And as I gaze upon your face, pressed upon me
I see the cycle,
Our food recycled,
As you gulp down sunshine energy”– Hollie McNish, from her wonderful book Nobody Told Me – Poetry and parenthood



