Category: Expand

  • You need a system (and so do I)

    You need a system (and so do I)

    Fun disclosure: my loved ones will laugh when they read this. As with most of my blogs, I am growing up in public, sharing what works – and doesn’t work – for me, hoping it may work for you as well.

    If you tend to regularly forget your phone, loose your keys and waste your own time, then this will help: automation.

    If you are like me, it may sound unappealing at first. After all, we’re not robots, right? But I gave it a try and by now, I have incorporated wholesome behaviors into my life, mostly things that are otherwise easy to forget or that just don’t get the priority they deserve.

    Automating parts of my life helps me stick to my priorities, frees up brain space for stuff that matters most and saves time. Plus it helps me feel great and grateful several times a day. I like to see it as some kind of ninja training.

    Behavior

    One trick is to hook desired behaviors into your daily routine by connecting them with other stuff that happens anyway, things like getting up, brushing your teeth, going to the toilet, leaving the house. This is called the Tiny Habits method and I wrote this article about it: On Tiny Habits (or: why pee wins where willpower fails).

    When you automate your behaviors, they become habits. Example: I have a habit of drinking healthy, medicinal drinks (sole, smoothie, green tea, turmeric) every single day, just because I built that into my system. Years ago, I used to have a habit of drinking alcoholic beverages because I built that into my system – the choice is up to you ;).

    Organization

    Creating a system that works is also about shaping the environment to support your intentions. Example: I love smoothies and have a ‘smoothie basket’ ready in my fridge. Every morning after I get up, all I have to to is slide out this one basket and all ingredients are right there. No need to go find them in five different cupboards.

    Another example: my keys have one place in my bag for when I’m on the road and one in my room for when I’m home. They are always in the same place and I can blindly point them out to someone. The reason: I used to leave them everywhere and always be looking for them. I would curse myself but didn’t see the simple solution for a long time.

    TED talk

    I didn’t come up with this automation/system thing all by myself. Some years ago I watched a TED talk by a programmer who was all about systems. If you loose your keys all the time, she said, then what you need is a system. And that made so much sense to me. (Please, if anyone of you knows which talk I am referring to, let me know in the comments, I’d love to watch it again and give the lady credit.)

    Mindfulness

    Also, mindfulness plays a big role here. As long as I’m mindful, I’ll keep track of my stuff, whether consciously or even unconsciously: the info is stored somewhere and available when it is needed. But if I get carried away in the heat of the moment by something like the joy of a social interaction, the my attention for the practical stuff gets… well, lost.

    What helps then, is to just sit down and meditate (I practice Vipassana). It can be quite revealing!

    (Article coming soon: What if the system keeps failing?)

    Bottom line

    If something repeatedly doesn’t work in your life, in computer terms it means your system is flawed. Simply identify what’s wrong in your approach, and change it. It will require some conscious effort at first. Using the Tiny Habits method may make things easier, depending on the issue. And organizing your life in a way that supports your intentions, is key.

  • Growing pains and the art of helping people

    Growing pains and the art of helping people

    Did you know that if you would witness a butterfly’s (re)birth and tried to ‘help’ her by opening her pupa, she might die as a result?

    It takes hours of hard work for the butterfly to tear open her shell. And this time is an essential part of her transformation: her ‘struggle’ helps her pump fluid from her caterpillar-turned-butterfly body through he veins all the way to the tips of her wings, filling them up, making them strong and flexible and ready for a new life.

    This is how she can eventually fly. 

    Knowing this about the journey of the graceful butterfly, inspires me when I think about the transformation of people:

    Can I sit with someone and let them fully live their experience in the moment, without the need to change it?
    Can I trust the person’s inner wisdom to unfold perfectly in its own time, place and way?
    Can I be present to whatever is there, without judgment and without pushing towards what I may think should be there?

    When another person is suffering, it is up to me (whether as a facilitator or as a friend) to support their journey by receiving them as they are, appealing to their own inner strength and resourcefulness and trusting the process.

    Sure, there certainly are times to speak up, reach out and even take over. Wisdom, however, is to recognize what is asked for in the moment and only comes when we can be open, present and fully receive the other (or ourselves!) as they (we) are in this moment.

    To truly help others is an art, a gift, and a lifelong practice.

  • Simple medicine: chamomile

    Simple medicine: chamomile

    After journeying through tropical Costa Rica and Brazil for months, I thoroughly enjoyed the late Winter snow and early Spring sun rays in Holland during the last couple of weeks. The cold Dutch ground and early flowering trees helped me integrate the intense travel experiences and reaffirm my career and life choices.

    Medicine for Mind, Body & Spirit

    You may have noticed the new tagline for this website: Medicine for Mind, Body and Spirit, because that is what all my work (be it writing, recipes, courses and workshops) aims to be.

    I have started to work more intensively with herbs, creating homemade remedies for ailments and cosmetic diy alternatives like rosemary clay shampoo, lavender massage oil, marigold lip balm, and much more.

    I also played around with super wholesome breakfast bowl recipes (one deep red, cleansing and warming, with beet, ginger and kurkuma, another bright green, energizing, with banana, spirulina and kale – just to name a few).

    Especially impactful has been my recent work with several spiritual plant medicines. The insights and teachings (there really is no better word) that they bring continue to amaze and humble me and strengthen my understanding of how we can responsibly prepare for and integrate any spiritual journey, such as an Ayahuasca ceremony.

    Algarve

    And today, I am writing to you from Portugal, the Algarve, which is the most southern part of the country with stunning rocky golden beaches and turquoise ocean views. We are celebrating a holiday with three generations of women in my family.

    Nature is abundant here and already in this early Spring time every field is filled with orange and tangerine trees, rosemary, lavender and lots & lots of chamomile plants. Over the last few days, I’ve foraged quite some flowers to use in a wholesome tea for my sore throat and some restless nights.

    Chamomile

    Chamomile has a special place in my heart, because of its many health benefits (WebMD Chamomile). As you may have heard, it has been known for ages for its anti-inflammatory and nerve calming properties, to name only a few. Yes, medicine can be as simple as drinking a cup of wonderful herbal tea.

    Mindfuck

    In my quest for a natural way to cure my sinusitis, I read about chamomile about a year ago. I remember going into town to find dried chamomile flowers.

    Unfortunately, our Western health system doesn’t seem too aware of or keen on natural remedies and they often are pushed over by heavily marketed synthetic products. I remember how I walked into the pharmacy and was faced with a huge image of a Vichy skin ‘care’ ad, the woman’s skin complexion unnaturally airbrushed into something incredibly fake and yet the slogan went like: “Finally I can show my true self again”. What??

    At the counter, I asked for chamomile and… they didn’t have it. It really struck me as a deep symptom of an ill healthcare system that yes, they offered over-the-top-marketing skin care rubbish, but not the herb that has been used for ages to soothe both inflammations of skin, mouth, sinuses, throat and intestines and an overactive nervous system. At the pharmacy!

    The good news

    Luckily, I did find my chamomile at the organic food store, and I also should note that the appreciation of natural remedies is rapidly returning back into our public awareness anyway, even if the pharmacies will be the last to catch up.

    That’s really great, and let’s all also keep a healthy, critical mind, a sharp eye and an open heart to all forms of medicine. Don’t get carried away by unrealistic health promises from superfoods marketers either and don’t think all natural remedies are safe. Check your sources. I get my info from trusted sources that live up to scientific and honest information standards such as those set by the Health On the Net Foundation (HON) and I promise not to make false claims or promises.

    Back to chamomile

    Honestly, I am still double-checking if the chamomile that I found here in the Algarve actually is real (Roman) chamomile. The tea tastes strongly like chamomile but also rather bitter. However I can already confirm its soothing effect on sore throat and nerves, so after this post I’ll take a nice cup of tea with extra honey and go to bed for a well-deserved night’s sleep. It’s already past 2 am…

    Some more tips:

    • To use chamomile for sinusitis and bronchitis, brew a strong tea and inhale the vapor through your nose.
    • To soothe mouth or throat sores, brew tea and flush through the mouth and throat.
    • To soothe stomach sores and problems with the intestines, simply drink the tea, a couple of cups per day.
    • After brewing the tea, fold the flowers in a paper towel to create an eye mask.
    • The tea calms you down when you feel nervous or anxious.
    • Rinse your hair with it to highlight blonde hair.
    • Also nice just to look at the sunny flower heads dancing in the fields – makes you happy.

    See, this little one brightens your day in so many ways.

    Recipe

    To brew chamomile tea, simply throw a small handful of fresh flowers or only one or two tablespoons of dried flowers into 1 liter of hot water. I love to drink this with honey.

    Enjoy and… be well!

  • Love hard. Pray hard. Kick ass.

    Love hard. Pray hard. Kick ass.

    “So if you are spiritual and your house is burning down, you yell “Fire!”. You don’t just say your mantra five times and trust the outcome to God. God needs to be able to trust the outcome to us.”

    – Marianne Williamson

    This is a post about activism. The healthy kind that will heal the world.

    Activism must come from a place of wholeness, or it wil only cause more suffering. If all you can do is point fingers or fight or otherwise divide, it’s better to keep silent for now and do your inner work first.

    But once the blaming has stopped and judgment has been seen for what it is, healthy action can come and the work of love can start moving you.

    Marianne Williamson

    I was greatly inspired by Marianne Williamson in her Buddha at the Gas Pump interview (video below). She rightfully points out that we have to do whatever we can to actively defend and promote the forces of good in the world, especially now:

    “This is an urgent moment in the history of the world. We now have holding the levers of power in the most powerful country of the world, [fusion_builder_container hundred_percent=”yes” overflow=”visible”][fusion_builder_row][fusion_builder_column type=”1_1″ background_position=”left top” background_color=”” border_size=”” border_color=”” border_style=”solid” spacing=”yes” background_image=”” background_repeat=”no-repeat” padding=”” margin_top=”0px” margin_bottom=”0px” class=”” id=”” animation_type=”” animation_speed=”0.3″ animation_direction=”left” hide_on_mobile=”no” center_content=”no” min_height=”none”][Donald Trump] whose mindset does not seem to promote a sustainable option, necessarily, even for life on Earth”.

    I share her view of the dangers that a policy of divisiveness poses for the world, as well as the chances it brings for transformation and unity and so I do whatever is in my power to stand up for what I believe is right.

    Holistic politics

    I advocate holistic politics. Politics that operate from an integrative world view and recognize we are all part of a larger whole. Where we take care of the Earth and no longer see ourselves as the center of everything, but recognize we come from (are!) nature and start treating her with the respect she deserves. Where happiness is more important than growth and love prevails over possession. Where we listen to each other with the intention to understand, in stead of make our own point.

    As Marianne Williamson wisely mentions in the interview, great activists don’t work AGAINST anything. They work in favor of what they want. Gandhi always said how he was not against the British government, but rather FOR a free, self governing India.

    We can work together in healing the climate, sharing our wealth and resolving our (inner) conflicts. And the work, of course, starts with ourselves.

    Love hard

    Love and forgive yourself. Love and forgive others. Take good care of yourself and others.

    Recognize that if we flourish at someone else’s cost, we can not fully flourish. Because we are all connected and as soon as we become aware of that, we can no longer hide for the fact that in this world, too many beings are suffering for the so-called welfare of a few.

    Also… if you love someone, let them know. And treat people how you would like to be treated. It really is that simple.

    Pray hard

    Meditate, walk in nature, play music, pray, whatever it is you can do to get out of your ordinary daily mind and connect with something greater than what you call ‘you’.

    Sometimes, action is prayer. ‘Karma yoga’ means you support the right people and causes to help create, sustain and spread the good stuff. Cleaning a beach can be incredibly liberating.

    Prayer, meditation and heartful action help us to let go of our mind-made self image and live from the deeper source within.

    Kick ass

    Acting from that place again, we are re-sourceful: we are creative, efficient and we effortlessly move mountains. That state is called flow and it happens when we stop creating barriers for ourselves.

    We are the grownups now. It is up to us to act. Somewhere in the interview, Marianne Williamson says: “You know how they say it’s a pity when people miss their childhood? Well it’s a pity when people miss their adulthood, too!”

    We are what we repeatedly do.
    – Aristotle

    My invitation: right now, kick some ass. Find one thing you can do to contribute to something you care about deeply. Even a comment on this article would be great! Do it right now, don’t stop with just reading this post. It can be small, but you will inspire yourself and others because you are one who acts.

    Some suggestions: sign up for Avaaz or SumOfUs to get involved (even if just by signing) with great people power causes. Change your bank to one with a high rating for social and environmental investments. Donate time or money to a great campaign, and share about it on social media. Write a weekly Facebook post on something you care about. Eat more plants and less meat. I could go on and on. More suggestions? Put them in the comments!

    Do this every day in the coming week and you’ll see that by the end of the week, you’re a different person.

    Here is Marianne Williamson’s interview with Buddha at the Gas Pump:

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  • Donald Trump: a moment of truth

    Donald Trump: a moment of truth

    I wrote this post the day after Donald Trump was elected president, watching many outraged and panicy reactions unfold on social media. That day, I decided to remain silent.

    Today I’d like to share how I think we can wisely and heartfully respond in any moment of (perceived) crisis, especially those of us who call ourselves ‘spiritual’.

    (Please also read my post on activism with Marianne Williamson: Love hard, pray hard, kick ass.)

    Moment of truth

    Isn’t it super-easy to love, to understand, to listen, to embrace, and take the right action, when you like the people you’re with and the situation you’re in?

    But what if a part of reality looks absolutely dismal to you, like is the case right now for many people? How much are you now really able to fully face what’s right in front of you, to open your heart and meet the world as yourself, even this reality that may be screaming, red-eyed, spitting in your face, making you shrivel with disgust and harden with resistance… are you still able to meet all that?

    This is what I am asking myself today. Donald Trump, for many of us, represents those aspects of humanity and of ourselves that we rather not face.

    And so this is a moment of truth: are you responding to yesterday’s (last week’s, last year’s..) events with an open heart or with a closed mind?

    (And I am choosing to use his full name, not just the last name we often use for adults, but the first name too so that we remember the more personal, the child, the ageless.)

    It is my invitation for those who today are screaming NOOOOOOOO, resisting this reality outwardly or in their hearts:

    Accept this reality as an invitation to stand tall and face, eyes wide open, heart wide open, the full reality of what’s happening.

    Do not give in to amazement. Do not give in to the craze of the ego-mind believing in ideas, separation, ‘them’ and ‘us’. Instead, be the silent observer of all that is happening within you as much as in the ‘outside world’. And start your work there where it is the most intimate, most scary, most beneficial: with yourself.

    Invitation to do The Work

    One of the best ways of dealing with our pain is to do The Work by Byron Katie (link opens in new tab). If you are not familiar with The Work, I highly recommend you do it. It’s free and as simple as it gets. Recommended by Eckart Tolle and Oprah, too ;).

    Doing The Work helps people recognize that all the suffering we blame on other people or our life’s circumstances, is caused by our own thinking. The Work helps you deal with your own shit before pointing fingers at others or wanting to control them.

    This is your inner work, and it is a necessary preparation for healthy activism. On this topic, please also read my post on activism with Marianne Williamson: Love hard, pray hard, kick ass.

    Only from a place of wholeness

    The waves I am feeling inside my belly, heart and mind today are enormous and nauseating. I am taking time to meet them fully and digest all the thoughts and emotions that are being stirred.

    Only from a place of wholeness can I write articles, lead workshops and live freely in a way that is beneficial and empowering and causes no further separation.
    Only from a place of wholeness can we find the space to truly listen and learn to understand.
    Only from a place of wholeness can we act without the need to harm or control.
    Only from a place of wholeness can we work together to help save the world.

    Please take this time to commit yourself to your inner work and unite in peace, so we can move into the healthy action that is needed to help protect our world and civilization – more so Now than ever before.

    The time really is Now.

  • Boom Festival 2016 (Summer in a VW campervan V)

    Boom Festival 2016 (Summer in a VW campervan V)

    [fusion_builder_container hundred_percent=”yes” overflow=”visible”][fusion_builder_row][fusion_builder_column type=”1_1″ background_position=”left top” background_color=”” border_size=”” border_color=”” border_style=”solid” spacing=”yes” background_image=”” background_repeat=”no-repeat” padding=”” margin_top=”0px” margin_bottom=”0px” class=”” id=”” animation_type=”” animation_speed=”0.3″ animation_direction=”left” hide_on_mobile=”no” center_content=”no” min_height=”none”][fusion_text]After Santiago de Compostela, we headed further down south to Portugal. The center of our journey was the amazingly beautiful Boom Festival, every second year in the month of August near Lisbon.

    We spent over a week on the Boomland, and met with so many old and new friends. Marco, Anna, Alexander (who made the lead photo of this article), Michael and Ann, Julia, Robin, Shari, Marijke, Mark, Dave, our neighborly Dutch co-campers, so many others and of course all the ones whose name I never got to know… I am so grateful to have met you.[/fusion_text][fusion_imageframe lightbox=”no” gallery_id=”” lightbox_image=”” style_type=”none” hover_type=”none” bordercolor=”” bordersize=”0px” borderradius=”0″ stylecolor=”” align=”none” link=”” linktarget=”_self” animation_type=”0″ animation_direction=”down” animation_speed=”0.1″ animation_offset=”” hide_on_mobile=”no” class=”” id=””] [/fusion_imageframe][fusion_separator style_type=”none” top_margin=”24px” bottom_margin=”” sep_color=”” border_size=”” icon=”” icon_circle=”” icon_circle_color=”” width=”” alignment=”center” class=”” id=””/][fusion_text]Boom is a psychedelic festival, meaning most people there will have some experience or another with consciousness expansion, opening up their minds to the unimaginable, the unspeakable.

    What often happens then, is you become aware of a connecting, infinite ‘force’ or source that unites everything and all of us. In my work with Ayahuasca and also speaking to many people from Boom, these experiences and the insights they bring, prove to have the potential to change lives.

    They inspire people to consume less and connect more to nature, to the silence within and to other people. To create artwork and make music. To let go of judgments or prejudice. And that is really just the beginning.

    [/fusion_text][fusion_imageframe lightbox=”no” gallery_id=”” lightbox_image=”” style_type=”none” hover_type=”none” bordercolor=”” bordersize=”0px” borderradius=”0″ stylecolor=”” align=”none” link=”” linktarget=”_self” animation_type=”0″ animation_direction=”down” animation_speed=”0.1″ animation_offset=”” hide_on_mobile=”no” class=”” id=””] [/fusion_imageframe][fusion_text](Artwork exhibited at Boom Festival 2016: “Pyroclastic Blow” by Keerych Luminokaya)[/fusion_text][fusion_separator style_type=”none” top_margin=”24px” bottom_margin=”” sep_color=”” border_size=”” icon=”” icon_circle=”” icon_circle_color=”” width=”” alignment=”center” class=”” id=””/][fusion_text]Boom is meant to be a tribal gathering of kindred spirits who wish to make a change for the better on this Earth. And truly, this spirit is felt throughout the festival, in (almost) every pair of eyes you meet.

    I left Boom again with a ton of inspiration, spiritual as well as super practical. New energy for work and health and loads of energy to get it all done.

    What struck me most this year, was the many spontaneous music jams. Just bring your guitar and people will come up and ask to play together. So many people, so many voices. It was always simply beautiful, and often amazing what happened when we just allowed the moment to create its own sound. It really helped me to open up with my own playing and singing as well.

    Thank you, wonderful brothers and sisters of Boom <3.

    [/fusion_text][fusion_imageframe lightbox=”no” gallery_id=”” lightbox_image=”” style_type=”none” hover_type=”none” bordercolor=”” bordersize=”0px” borderradius=”0″ stylecolor=”” align=”none” link=”” linktarget=”_self” animation_type=”0″ animation_direction=”down” animation_speed=”0.1″ animation_offset=”” hide_on_mobile=”no” class=”” id=””] [/fusion_imageframe][fusion_separator style_type=”none” top_margin=”24px” bottom_margin=”” sep_color=”” border_size=”” icon=”” icon_circle=”” icon_circle_color=”” width=”” alignment=”center” class=”” id=””/][/fusion_builder_column][/fusion_builder_row][/fusion_builder_container]

  • Addiction, self love and trust

    Addiction, self love and trust

    [fusion_builder_container hundred_percent=”yes” overflow=”visible”][fusion_builder_row][fusion_builder_column type=”1_1″ background_position=”left top” background_color=”” border_size=”” border_color=”” border_style=”solid” spacing=”yes” background_image=”” background_repeat=”no-repeat” padding=”” margin_top=”0px” margin_bottom=”0px” class=”” id=”” animation_type=”” animation_speed=”0.3″ animation_direction=”left” hide_on_mobile=”no” center_content=”no” min_height=”none”][fusion_text]I wrote this post speaking from my own personal experiences with addiction and from those of others who have been open enough to share their stories with me.[/fusion_text]

    [fusion_text]If you are reading this, and you regard yourself as addicted to some substance or behavior or you worry about your attachment to some thing, some one or some state, let me first tell you this:

    You have no idea how powerful you are.

    Power to you

    I’m not talking willpower-powerful here. That’s a shallow kind of powerful. I am talking the kind of powerful that people find in themselves when they are deeply inspired with love or close to dying and ready to give up everything.

    Truth is, most people have no idea how powerful they truly are. And many will never find out until their dying day, only because nothing important enough shows up in their life. Imagine what a humongous shame that is! Therefore, here’s something else:

    Your addiction may be one of the greatest gifts you will ever receive.

    For if and when you transcend your addiction, you will find the biggest freedom imaginable.

    Endless flow

    Stop and feel for a moment. At this point, is your heart beating faster with recognition? Is at least a tiny something inside brimming with energy, because you thought this was going to be about all the things you are doing wrong and in stead you get this beautiful present? Yes? Awesome. You are aware of the endless flow that moves each of us. If you get a glimpse of the magic of this and value it highly enough, you will be hungry for more. This is from where you will cure your addiction. It’s not the only way, but it is by far the easiest. I know, because i have been there myself.

    What’s in the way

    Quite possibly however, your head is still telling you that you are not worthy or too weak to be considered powerful. That you have created too big a mess, that you may be too fucked up inside, that you have disappointed your loved ones once too many, pushed your limits too far and let yourself down in too many ways to believe that you are truly carrying a gift. It’s ok. This is the part where you get to see in relentless close-up the very thing that is in the way between you and freedom. See it for what it is, and it will transform.

    But first, a short explanation about addiction:[/fusion_text][/fusion_builder_column][fusion_builder_column type=”1_2″ last=”no” spacing=”yes” center_content=”no” hide_on_mobile=”no” background_color=”” background_image=”” background_repeat=”no-repeat” background_position=”left top” hover_type=”none” link=”” border_position=”all” border_size=”0px” border_color=”” border_style=”” padding=”” margin_top=”” margin_bottom=”” animation_type=”” animation_direction=”” animation_speed=”0.1″ animation_offset=”” class=”” id=””][fusion_text]

    “Wise beings do not want to remain a slave to the fear of pain. They permit the world to be what it is instead of being afraid of it.”

    Michael A. Singer, The Untethered Soul

    [/fusion_text][/fusion_builder_column][fusion_builder_column type=”1_2″ last=”yes” spacing=”yes” center_content=”no” hide_on_mobile=”no” background_color=”” background_image=”” background_repeat=”no-repeat” background_position=”left top” hover_type=”none” link=”” border_position=”all” border_size=”0px” border_color=”” border_style=”” padding=”” margin_top=”” margin_bottom=”” animation_type=”” animation_direction=”” animation_speed=”0.1″ animation_offset=”” class=”” id=””][fusion_text]

    What is addiction?

    Here’s how i understand addiction: it is a pattern which grows from the deep longing to be relieved of pain. This pain may be a simple physical or emotional discomfort, but more often than not is caused by deeply rooted inner beliefs about what’s wrong with us and how we can not handle reality.[/fusion_text][/fusion_builder_column][fusion_builder_column type=”1_1″ background_position=”left top” background_color=”” border_size=”” border_color=”” border_style=”solid” spacing=”yes” background_image=”” background_repeat=”no-repeat” padding=”” margin_top=”0px” margin_bottom=”0px” class=”” id=”” animation_type=”” animation_speed=”0.3″ animation_direction=”left” hide_on_mobile=”no” center_content=”no” min_height=”none”][fusion_text]Later on, when our system has gotten used to the substance or experience (coffee, relationship, cigarettes, heroin, alcohol, shopping, chocolate, gambling, starving, name yours), withdrawal symptoms may come up and be an added cause of pain or discomfort all by themselves.[/fusion_text][fusion_text]The pattern becomes one of compulsive behavior: we do it more often and more strongly than is healthy or desirable and we can not moderate it anymore.

    By then, we either abandon ourselves and give up trying to change our behavior, or we start making promises to ourselves and our loved ones, then breaking those promises over and over because we still fear the feelings of pain and discomfort that inevitably come up: our deepest feelings of inadequacy.

    Protecting the fortress

    The addiction becomes our fortress, seemingly protecting us and at the same time cutting us of from the greater flow of life. Even so, we will protect it using all the means we can find. Here are a few examples of ways in which we protect the fortress. They may appear in your life very subtly or painfully unescapable:

    • finding excuses,
    • hiding our traces,
    • seeking companions (“friends” whom we are actually abusing so that we can be ok with sabotaging ourselves just a little bit longer),
    • feeling guilty (but not acting on it),
    • saying sorry (but knowing deep inside that the addiction still has our balls),
    • blaming others or circumstances for our tendencies,
    • faking just enough openness to be left alone (but hiding the part where we actually think we’re crossing the line),
    • feeling ashamed (and going for another round of whatever calms our voices of self hatred),
    • making promises (and then, with everybody calmed down, leaving it there).

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    Healing addiction: the way out is in

    Curing your addiction may seem very hard but if you trust the process enough, it will turn out to be the most ecstatic gift you can give yourself (read on to see how self love and trust will support your process). The gift is freedom. And the way out of suffering, is in.[/fusion_text][/fusion_builder_column][fusion_builder_column type=”1_2″ last=”no” spacing=”yes” center_content=”no” hide_on_mobile=”no” background_color=”” background_image=”” background_repeat=”no-repeat” background_position=”left top” hover_type=”none” link=”” border_position=”all” border_size=”0px” border_color=”” border_style=”” padding=”” margin_top=”” margin_bottom=”” animation_type=”” animation_direction=”” animation_speed=”0.1″ animation_offset=”” class=”” id=””][fusion_text]So here’s what you need to do: quit your addictive behavior (whether it be smoking, drinking, fasting, cleaning or controlling everything) for some time. If you think you can’t, just imagine yourself quitting and see what happens: fear will arise. Resistance. Despair. Monkey-mind. Now look: what is making you feel so uneasy? Ask yourself: what’s so bad about this? Why does this hurt so much?[/fusion_text][/fusion_builder_column][fusion_builder_column type=”1_2″ last=”yes” spacing=”yes” center_content=”no” hide_on_mobile=”no” background_color=”” background_image=”” background_repeat=”no-repeat” background_position=”left top” hover_type=”none” link=”” border_position=”all” border_size=”0px” border_color=”” border_style=”” padding=”” margin_top=”” margin_bottom=”” animation_type=”” animation_direction=”” animation_speed=”0.1″ animation_offset=”” class=”” id=””][fusion_text]

    “We are constantly trying to hold it all together. If you really want to see why you do things, then don’t do them and see what happens.”

    Michael A. Singer, The Untethered Soul

    [/fusion_text][/fusion_builder_column][fusion_builder_column type=”1_1″ background_position=”left top” background_color=”” border_size=”” border_color=”” border_style=”solid” spacing=”yes” background_image=”” background_repeat=”no-repeat” padding=”” margin_top=”0px” margin_bottom=”0px” class=”” id=”” animation_type=”” animation_speed=”0.3″ animation_direction=”left” hide_on_mobile=”no” center_content=”no” min_height=”none”][fusion_text]Many people end up finding a deep and hurtful inner conviction that they have picked up in your lifetime, probably at an early age already, such as this: I am worthless. I am a loser. I am not good enough. I am a burden. I am dumb. I am hopeless. I am weak.

    It’s these beliefs that keep you from being a supporting friend to yourself, someone you love, someone you can trust.[/fusion_text][/fusion_builder_column][fusion_builder_column type=”1_2″ last=”no” spacing=”yes” center_content=”no” hide_on_mobile=”no” background_color=”” background_image=”” background_repeat=”no-repeat” background_position=”left top” hover_type=”none” link=”” border_position=”all” border_size=”0px” border_color=”” border_style=”” padding=”” margin_top=”” margin_bottom=”” animation_type=”” animation_direction=”” animation_speed=”0.1″ animation_offset=”” class=”” id=””][fusion_text]

    “At any moment you can feel frustration, anger, fear, jealousy, insecurity or embarrassment. If you watch you will see the heart is trying to push it all away. If you want to be free you have to learn to stop fighting all these human feelings.”

    Michael A. Singer, The Untethered Soul

    [/fusion_text][/fusion_builder_column][fusion_builder_column type=”1_2″ last=”yes” spacing=”yes” center_content=”no” hide_on_mobile=”no” background_color=”” background_image=”” background_repeat=”no-repeat” background_position=”left top” hover_type=”none” link=”” border_position=”all” border_size=”0px” border_color=”” border_style=”” padding=”” margin_top=”” margin_bottom=”” animation_type=”” animation_direction=”” animation_speed=”0.1″ animation_offset=”” class=”” id=””][fusion_text]Until you stop running from these beliefs (thought patterns), until you stop fighting your human feelings, their voices will sound louder and louder. Shutting them up will require more and more effort. Your doses of whatever will need to be higher and higher.

    Your drinking, smoking or sex addiction will have you feeling worse about yourself than ever before, and people around you will start to express worries about you or reject your presence.[/fusion_text][/fusion_builder_column][fusion_builder_column type=”1_1″ background_position=”left top” background_color=”” border_size=”” border_color=”” border_style=”solid” spacing=”yes” background_image=”” background_repeat=”no-repeat” padding=”” margin_top=”0px” margin_bottom=”0px” class=”” id=”” animation_type=”” animation_speed=”0.3″ animation_direction=”left” hide_on_mobile=”no” center_content=”no” min_height=”none”][fusion_text]Thus, you are confirming your own beliefs: i am weak, i am a loser, i am a burden. And, possibly: people don’t understand me. The world is against me.

    You will not see this spiral and its effects in full clarity until you step out of it. And stepping out of it seems hard, because you are so involved! Naturally, you believe what you are seeing: you are weak. Where on Earth would you find the strength to quit the thing that is easing the pain for you?

    This is where self love and trust come in. Be prepared to give up control of your fortress and start talking to (who you think is) the enemy.[/fusion_text][fusion_text]

    Stay present

    In stead of moving away, go exactly where it hurts the most. Watch and listen carefully.

    You will start meeting a part of your psyche that longs to be seen, actually, recognized, finally, for its needs. Listen and deep inside you will find a voice that desperately wants to be heard. Be with it, lovingly, and let its energy be expressed. Let it rage, tremble, kick, cry out. Share, if possible, with someone who is willing to listen without judgment. It’s not you, it’s a voice. It just wants to be heard.

    If you manage to do this, you have found the place in you from where you can heal. This is the place in you that you can trust. And so can others, as they will start to see in due time. This is from where you allow space for anything to come up, for old stories to emerge, for old wounds to heal. Anything can exist in this space, even the harshest judgments you hold about yourself.[/fusion_text][fusion_text]

    Self love

    Do you love yourself?

    It’s an awesome feeling if you can look in the mirror and truly find your closest friend looking back at you, smiling a knowing and supportive smile. Does your mirror show a true friend?

    Sadly, your answer may very well be “no” or “i don’t know”. Do you feel how sad this is? Then feel the sadness, explore it for a bit. And notice: whoever is feeling sad, must care at least a little bit about your wellbeing, right?

    When healing your addiction, feeling love for yourself will be essential. If you don’t feel it, this is the first thing you need to work on. Be prepared to see the darkest parts of you and still in your heart put a loving arm around yourself. Ask people to support you when you can not do it on your own.[/fusion_text][fusion_text]

    Trust

    Do you trust yourself?

    If you are addicted (or worried about your use or attachments) you can’t really trust your own behavior, can you? After all, you will make promises and break them. You may lie and steal to fulfill your needs. You may set your goals and then change your mind, over and over. You will place the blame outside of yourself. You may manipulate people into doing or believing what you want them to.

    You simply can not trust this part of you that believes it is (being) limited and in need of stuff, a shot, a partner. Behavioral patterns (including thoughts and emotions) are strong. They are strengthened with repetition and you have given them lots and lots of food over the course of your addicted lifetime. These thoughts and behaviors wake up easily. In my personal experience, the voices of addiction can not be trusted. Especially when making promises or finding excuses.

    But here’s the good news: even if you can not trust your personal thoughts, wishes and behavior in any given moment, there is a force that is far greater than you which is worth every ounce of trust. When this force starts living through you, it ignites infinite power in you. It will reveal itself when you start trusting it.

    So: YES, I trust you. I trust your infinite potential, your drive towards freedom, your connection into the source of all being, which is pure life force power. I trust your strength, which is boundless, and i trust your ability to break your own chains.

    And so should you.[/fusion_text][fusion_text]

    Love yourself. Trust that your thoughts are random and that life force energy, the very power that keeps you breathing and alive, will inspire you and win over any disabling beliefs… if you let it.

    Ask for help from people who will support you in holding your commitment to yourself and who will not judge when you slip. If possible, find a buddy you can call at any time. Agree on the kind of support you give each other.

    Ditch your addicted friends (at least temporarily) if they are not ready to join you in giving up this behavior. They may be great people (they are!), but their behavior is toxic to you.

    Surround yourself with healthy, happy people.

    Have a plan. Know what you will do when a craving and compulsive thoughts kick in. This is where you take charge over the ‘old’, conditioned you who is still addicted. Call your buddy, go for a run (don’t bring money), drink a glass of water, make a painting, do household stuff, meditate, Skype mom.

    Go for a walk at least once a day. If you can, get a dog. It will give you exercise and an uncomplicated loving relationship.

    Be patient with the people closest to you. Don’t be discouraged when they are not ready to trust again. This is your process and it will take as long as it needs. Same goes for them.

    Big one: Open up about your process. It will give you clarity and you will be amazed to hear how many people are also struggling with addiction. It’s an amazing experience to go from feeling like a failure to seeing how your experience can help and inspire others.

    These are just a few tips. If you have more, please share!

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    I wrote this post speaking from my own personal experiences with addiction and from those of others who have been open enough to share their stories with me.

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  • Mindmapping for beginners

    Mindmapping for beginners

    Have you ever felt overloaded with thoughts and ideas? Was it ever hard for you to start writing on a report, presentation or project because there was so much going on in your head?

    Knowing how to make a mindmap gives you clarity, focus, creativity and helps you to convey a set of ideas more easily to other people. I often advise clients to develop their ideas in a mind map.

    Be it their life vision, business ideas, or website wishes: what used to be an amorphous cloud of thoughts, questions and to do’s through creating the mindmap becomes a beautiful and energizing set of ideas and their relationships.

    It may require some exercise, but soon you’ll be drawing mindmaps for everything. All my ideas, I pour in a mind map. Whether it is a vision for years or a site plan for the day: there is a mind map. It especially helps me to clear my mind when it’s overloaded with big and small ideas.

    Why mind mapping in stead of a to do list?

    The reason that mind mapping works so well is that the mind mapping process reflects our brain processes way better than linear lists do. Think about it: thoughts are never neatly categorized by your thought machine, are they? Details and guidelines, risk factors and pots of gold, they all come in the same minute, with the same sense of urgency. And just when you’re working out something BIG, occasionally there will be a little voice saying: “I need new shoelaces.”

    For all those ‘entities’ there is space in the mindmapping process. Eventually, they will all settle in their rightful place.

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    Become an expertMy dear friend Tomas Libas is rapid learning coach.

    In a recent workshop here in Thailand, he advised to always create a mind map when reading a book. This way, you can easily revisit the book anytime and in a glance get the essence of it.

    Review your mind maps daily, then weekly, then monthly and yearly and everything you read, will stick.

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    How to create a mind map

    This basic approach has been working wonders for me:

    Sit down with an empty sheet of paper (or a few of them), a pen and colored pencils or crayons.

    Close your eyes. Take a few slow breaths.

    Now gently focus your concentration on the subject of your mindmap.

    Then, open your eyes, take the pen and start writing keywords.
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    Dump all your ideas, knowledge, tasks (depending on what your mind maps is about) from your brain onto paper. Use keywords. It may be criss-cross. You will categorize later, don’t worry about that now. Good or bad idea, important or unimportant, large or small, crazy or completely obvious, everything gets a spot. Just write down everything that comes to mind.

    It’s like popping popcorn

    Have you ever popped popcorn (in a pan or in the microwave oven)? Have you noticed how the speed at which the corn kernels pop first increases, until there’s a blast, and then it slows down?

    Mindmapping feels the same. You will notice that at first you’ll be searching a bit, preparing the brain for the release to come. Finding the ‘way in’.

    Probably within one or a few minutes, you will be writing fast, because there is so much ‘stuff’ (from the brightest insight to the smallest nagging thought) occupying space in your mind that wants to come out. This will build up to the ‘popcorn blast’.

    Finally, you will slow down. The rate at which new ideas surface, will decrease. You will know when you are ready. Take a minute to enjoy the spaciousness of your mind at ease…. Ahhhhh.

    Now, it’s time for the next step.

    In a moment, you’ll circle the words that are related with the same color. First, take a moment to look at your paper and take up the words that are there.

    You will start to see how some of them belong together in groups. So now, grab your crayons and start circling, using one color for each group.

    This is the part where new insights often emerge as well! For example, you may find a whole new source of solutions to your problem.

    Tennis-mindmapFinished with coloring? Grab a new sheet of paper, put your subject in the center and from the center, draw branches. give each color its own branch. If a group is subdivided, make a smaller branch. You may also doodle and get all artsy with it, if you like. When you finish, you have a colorful and inspiring image instead of a boring list like any other.

    New links and fresh ideas
    In workshops, I have facilitated groups of people in mindmapping together. That is a magical process where new things arise that previously didn’t. This happens also if you make a mind map just for yourself: you will start to see connections that you had not put first. Insights and epiphanies will arise, and you and your project can go into flow.

    Many people use a mind map when they give a presentation. It’s easier to remember your presentation and improvisation comes more naturally when using a mindmap. The one that is shown above, for example, would be great if you wanted to teach people the basics of tennis.

    In the Inspired Web Presence Program, one of the many things we cover is how you can use the mindmapping process to create awesome, inspiring blog posts or a the outline of an ebook, for example. Learn more.

    This blog post is an adaptation of my earlier post on mindmapping on my Dutch website: In1DagOnline.nl.
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  • How embracing resistance helps me to Get Things Done

    How embracing resistance helps me to Get Things Done

    There was a time in my life when i used to go to work every morning, crying and in despair.

    I did not want to be in this job anymore, but out of fear i didn’t allow these feelings to move me into action. What i feared was the sense of failure. And i didn’t know where to find my way out. I was exhausting myself by moving away from the truth that was shouting to my face, because i was afraid to face it.

    I was naming all the good things about this job, pushing myself to believe them and push away the feelings of despair that existed deep within.

    Eventually, the decision was made for me. I had exhausted myself enough to be burned out, sick, unable to work for months.

    Embrace resistance

    Do you know this feeling when you’re ‘supposed’ to do something, but you don’t feel like doing it at all? It may be as simple as doing the dishes, or taking your kids from school. Or it may be as deeply rooted as being with your partner or taking care of your kids… or even living your life altogether.

    Here is one thing that i found incredibly helpful in dealing with the stuff in our lives that we would rather NOT have there:

    Embrace your resistance.

    Among other things, embracing your resistance will help you:

    1. Get things done anyway
    2. Show you what you truly value
    3. Change anything you want

    How does that work?

    So embracing is the opposite of resisting, right? Suppose i feel great resistance in finishing a task, such as finishing my ebook.

    As long as i resist my resistance, it has a piece of me. I am slave to the experience of resisting. I may hate the task, think badly of myself, get angry at the circumstances that put me here or just close off my feelings altogether, finding excuses to make it all seem right while deep inside, it doesn’t feel alright.

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    All these things can come from resisting resistance (or any experience):

    Procrastination (putting off till tomorrow), shame, self-hatred, guilty feelings, loss or uncontrollable increase of sexual drive, loss of energy, physical ailments, loss of creativity, addiction, irritability, thrill-seeking, exhaustion, aggression, apathy, depression… and much, much more.

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    Maybe i have even found a spiritual path that helps me to move away from what is going on inside. It may look like ‘noting, knowing, letting go’ as is taught in Vipassana meditation, for example, but actually be my ‘advanced’ way of moving away from my experience.

    Or my spiritual practice may tell me i need to open up all my chakras, one by one, and only then i will be free. Until then, i am not enough, more work needs to be done and my suffering continues.

    Sadly, where i am now, i see this happening all the time.
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    This is why i propose to embrace whatever IS in this very moment. Especially if it looks ugly. When i consciously embrace, it’s like shouting a cosmic YES. In daily life, it may sound like this:

    “YES, I really deeply wish i wouldn’t need to finish this project right now. I just want to curl up on the couch.”
    “YES, i really f*cking hate having to do this right now!”
    “YES, i don’t like meeting this person at ALL.”

    Can you feel the difference?

    Embracing any thoughts and feelings of resistance will help you rise beyond. You will see that acknowledging whatever is, opens up space immediately. I have seen people burst out in deep unstoppable laughter of relief just because they could finally allow what was here all the time into the fullness of their experience.

    This one who is aware of the experience, is free.

    (If you still believe you are not free, look deeper until you find the place where you are. People come to realize this Freedom in prison and during the holocaust.)

    Embracing resistance to whatever is, will help you…

    1. Get things done anyway

    Some things just need doing. We all live in a human body that needs to be taken care of. We may have children under our guidance and we may have made commitments to people and causes.

    Maybe you fear that once you acknowledge these feelings of resistance, you will not do your obligations anymore. But realize this; you are setting yourself free. From this Freedom, truth and insight arises. You will finally be free to say:

    YES i hate doing this AND i will still do it because i love my kids and this is the commitment i made and CHOOSE to hold.

    We are free to feel resistance and choose to get things done anyway. We may feel uncomfortable, it may be unpleasurable, but because we are aware of the fullness of our experience and everything in it, we are ALL THE MORE free to go ahead and sort our stuff.

    2. Show you what you truly value

    Because we are no longer closing off, our experience is full. In full, open awareness, our deepest longings and truths will reveal themselves.

    Your resistance is telling you something. It may just be telling you that you don’t like something. That’s fine, no biggie! Outsource it next time or choose to just do this thing you don’t like and be happy about it.

    Or… it may be your heart speaking to you that you are not living in truth. Maybe you no longer wish to work for this employer. Maybe your relationship needs an honest meeting in truth. Maybe you need help in caring for your kids, to free up space for your own creative expression.

    Embracing your resistance will open you up to the full experience of being You and from there, your answers will effortlessly bubble up.

    3. Change anything you want

    If you wanted to change the weather, you probably couldn’t. But you can be happy and in flow regardless. You are Free. And from this freedom, you can always ask yourself: what is my next step?

    Is it to drop into being to listen to your inner voice, or to step into action? Do what needs to be done, and find your Freedom inside. This will change everything. Start practicing this and you will find that wherever you walk, the ground will come up to meet you. Go check for yourself; for this knowing has to come from your own experience.

    And please… if you wish, share your experiences. I’d be very happy to hear them!

    I write more on this in my ebook. You can download it by clicking the link and leaving your name and email.[/fusion_builder_row][/fusion_builder_container]

  • Limiting money beliefs

    Limiting money beliefs

    In my previous post, i wrote how working in countries like Thailand may inspire an even better work life balance for digital nomads. I spend lots of time behind the computer and love to counter that with lots of time playing around, swimming and dancing and practicing yoga. That’s one of the reasons for moving to a tropical island. Here’s another one, and it’s a biggie: finances.

    Financial balance
    A big motivator for being in Thailand, is money. I have some serious debts to deal with and living in and working from Thailand (waaaaay cheaper than Holland) is helping me clean my old mess and maintain a healthy balance, also financially.

    Money is energy
    In fact, I have only quite recently come to the realization that money in itself is just innocent energy and it is ME who has been putting all kinds of labels on it such as ‘bad’, ‘dirty’, ‘guilty’, ‘difficult’, you name them, and i’ve been getting myself into trouble because of these convictions about money. I have behaved with money as i perceived the very thing i was dealing with.

    Who would you be without your story?

    The Work of Byron Katie is a way of identifying and questioning the thoughts that cause all the anger, fear, depression, addiction, and violence in the world. Experience the happiness of undoing those thoughts through The Work, and allow your mind to return to its true, awakened, peaceful, creative nature.

    Everything you need in order to do The Work is available free on the website >.

    Real problem?
    To be honest, this is the one thing that i actually perceive as a real problem sometimes. The mechanism used to be, to turn away from it. Don’t want to see the bills, don’t want to face myself hiding them. Now, it is my practice to calm my mind which is until then full of fear and feel the love and lightness that are also present. And then i open the envelope and deal with whatever is inside.

    Opening envelopes connecting to love and lightness inside? This may sound weird to you if you have no problem dealing with money (or avoiding to do so). Or it may sound wishy-washy if you’re not into the whole spiritual thing. But truly, it is my experience that wherever i created trouble in my life, the cause was in a false conviction, held by me, about the thing i was dealing with. As soon as i willfully (and, more and more, automatically) stop believing my thoughts, i become more open, more relaxed, and more prone to taking the right action.

    The Work
    What is helping me loads is The Work by Byron Katie. I’ll probably post more on her later. For now, i’ll just say that her sequence of questions and especially the final turnaround helps me see how by holding these beliefs about money i was (and truthfully, often still am) actually limiting myself bigtime.

    Step back and See
    Finally lifting the veil of false convictions and unlearning them, makes available all the space and strength and resources we need to deal with anything. True freedom and the power to make miracles happen, reside in every vessel of us. Surrender to this truth and you will be alive like never before.

    Surrendering to a truth? What does that MEAN?! Why don’t i just say: ‘understand this, and…’, or ‘agree with this, and…’? I’ll explain soon, the article is in the making. One hint: it has to do with letting go of mind-made beliefs.

    What comes from this? For me: the courage to face up to my own shit, determination to keep on calling and writing letters where needed, the good sense to call my bookkeeper and ask friends for support in getting everything sorted, the inspired productivity to develop and sell awesome, meaningful products and services and pay what needs to be paid.

    That’s in my case, until now. Your case and the solutions you come up with, may be different. Also, let me tell you: creating new patterns requires effort and loving dedication. I still need help and friendly reminders to stay on track.

    One more perk
    What also comes from lifting the veil and opening up to all possibilities? That i get to write this confession to you from Thailand, where i spend my days in joyous love with my dearest: Marco.* He supports me and has supported me through many years of intense pleasure, times of hardship and neverending connectedness. Together we came here not just because this is paradise, but also because being in paradise helps us to deal with our shit. I feel eternally grateful to have Marco as a buddy and a lover to share ideas with, moments of inspiration as well as despair, and i just know we’ll make it. Bigtime.

    Have a lovely day, y’all <3

    Image & quote gracefully provided by Maya Miriam: http://mayamiriam.wordpress.com/

    * Update: things change and Judith and Marco are no longer together as a couple. We are still close friends.