When you are dancing, how do you feel? Do you feel open, relaxed, radiant, strong, playful, in flow…? Or do you rather feel uneasy, insecure, comparing yourself to others? Maybe you only dance when you’ve had alcohol, because otherwise you feel too shy or incapable?
Until i was 29, and already beyond my ‘disco’ years, dancing wasn’t much fun to me. Until i first drank Ayahuasca, a little over three years ago. This was the awakening of my inner dancer.
Ayahuasca is a medicine for the soul. It’s a concoction of at least two different plants and has been used by shamans over centuries to connect with the divine.
When used in a ceremonial setting, Ayahuasca helps relieve people’s inner barriers and creates space for spiritual development. Deep personal insights, letting go of traumas, and increased feelings of connectedness and wholeness are often reported.
The Ayahuasca experiences that i share, are highly personal. The processes brought about by Aya are different from person to person and from time to time.
Please take great care to find a trusted and experienced guide and drink Ayahuasca in a devoted ritual. Your physical, mental and spiritual wellbeing are precious and worth nourishing and protecting.
Struggle
Before drinking Ayahausca, i secretly loved to dance… but on the dance floor, i felt i wasn’t really ‘good’ at it. I used to feel quite self conscious. I had a hard time dancing to the beat because steps worked out differently than i had intended them. My moves didn’t look as sexy or smooth as the ones you see in video clips.
Presently, every vessel in me knows that that’s all perfectly fine. But back then, i felt differently. In retrospect, dancing used to be more of a struggle than the pure experience of pleasure and flow that i now know.
The way your body tells you to
Drinking Ayahuasca creates space to experience and approach situations differently than before. It has the ability to break mental and physical patterns, even long-existing ones, and thus opens us up to the endless array of possibilities that exist in any moment.
“And now, slowly, we start to dance.
But here, we dance not as we do in the disco.
We dance the way our bodies tell us to.”
I will never forget these words. They were spoken by our Ayahuasca guide as we were approaching the end of our workshop. The experience of the day had made me open, light, cleansed of fears and worries and burdens.
Listening to his words, it became unmistakably clear to me: there can be no other way of dancing, than the dance i make in this moment, nor should there be. There is no ‘better’ movement than the one which is here, right now. No more judgement, no more fear, no more expectation.
Clumsiness and flow
When you see me dance, you’ll see clumsiness. You’ll see steps off the beat and unsexy shaking to release tension in my shoulders or hips. There may be plump grounding bounces or strange pulsing movements. And then, in those precious moments when all tension has been released, you’ll see pure flow.
When i’m dancing, my body is not just moving through the air, it’s riding waves of invisible impulses. It is being danced. And even in this space, thoughts of judgement or doubt may come up. I weave them into the dance, and often, they’ll make me smile with the intense gratitude that comes with awareness that is fully open.
I know of no more beautiful and liberating act in this world than dancing. It is the biggest gift i could have received.
And now, in the comments, i’d be happy to hear from you. Do you love to dance, or is something holding you back?
This is a sign of true freedom: if you know that you are home wherever you find yourself to be, even when there is nothing that’s ‘yours’ anymore.
A few years ago, i was couchsurfing in Bilbao. My host Gonzalo rented a furnished apartment, nothing inside was really his. All his belongings fit in his ‘professional’ traveller’s bicycle gear. Amazing. To my mind, he was free. He inspired me so much.
And now it’s my moment to flap my wings and fly: two weeks ago the phone call came in that i need to move house soon. Granted, i’m only moving 50 metres and will stay within the same building – but still it’s a big shift.
For here & now is the moment where i let go of all burdersome items (called clutter), to be left only with the bare essentials of my life. Which, to be honest, i think are only clothing, kitchen stuff and the candles, pillows etc that make my home… homy.
With the move coming up and shortly after that a three month stay in Thailand (i know, it’s sad..), decluttering is my priority for the coming two weeks. It’s a practice in letting go. And more letting go, and even more letting go… until there’s nothing to hold on to anymore.
Very early this morning, after just four hours of sleep, i woke up filled with inspiration. Got up at six to draw some mindmaps. The essence:
(Re)create healthy habits. Journal (on it right now). Get people involved (dito).
Yesterday was a turning point
Yesterday, following an unpleasant weekend, i found myself at a party feeling lost. I went home yearning for peace and quietness.
It’s been a long time since i felt this way. What happened?
For some weeks now, i have been feeling increasingly off-balance. Eating not-so-healthy foods, hardly exercising or practicing yoga, disregarding my feelings and loading myself with work didn’t help.
I went to the party and felt a bit overwhelmed with the whole happening. When i needed to back away, i couldn’t. The sharpness of my soul crying for some space and the utter inability to change my own behavior felt devastating. I was alarmed by my own absence of centeredness and willfulness. It woke me up: something needed to change.
My body was shaking with sadness and anger undealt with in the weeks before. I felt an urge to move and cry. The friends whom i shared it with, were of great support. Roald asked me what it was i needed (‘a strong presence to rest in’), and invited me to envision what it would be like to find this within myself. Toby invited me to spend a day in nature with him. Ronja hugged me softly and told me she loved me.
I feel so incredibly rich to have friends like them.
What is it you really like to do?
A few hours earlier, on that Sunday early evening while i was doing some work sitting on the couch, my love Marco* had asked me: “Tell me, what is it that you really, REALLY like to do in life?”
I couldn’t find an answer! I just forgot. I felt worthless, agitated, tired. And still, i kept on working.
When i finally closed my laptop and was alone for a bit, only then some space emerged.
Suddenly, the movement came automatically: i opened Spotify, played some music, got up and danced into my little kitchen.
Cook! I love to cook.
Some inspirators
The past few weeks weren’t all that bad! I have met wonderful people and worked on some pretty cool projects.
Paul Ricken
One of them is Paul Ricken’s new website (now live at Paulricken.nl). Paul had lost his mojo for a while and then found it through a friend who read him a poem. This experience unleashed an unstoppable amount of energy and the ability to create ideas and content like never before. Working with Paul has inspired me to start to journal regularly and share the process with YOU.
Rita Zeelenberg
Then there’s Rita Zeelenberg, the owner of Mindful Eten (Dutch for Mindful Eating, we’re in the process of a big website restyling and addition of some very cool new features). Rita is a smart and committed professional and writes great articles. For you Dutchies: here’s her blog that inspired me this morning before i started to write this very post: 11 psychologische doetips voor je eetgedrag.
Marileen Arbouw
Next, there’s Marileen. My beloved princess-cookie-friend with whom i catered many a dish (vegan, organic, gluten-free, colorful & delicious) for groups of meditators and soul travelers. Yesterday, she published her website Marileenarbouw.nl which showcases her amazing artistic design and food creation talents. She got me all bubbly and full of inspiration to finish and publish this website (the one you’re reading right now).
Toby Sebastian
And then: Toby. When i’m around him, my heart opens and random thoughts dissolve into deep understanding. Toby just moved from England to The Netherlands and will be sharing his awakened insights in informal get-togethers, breathing life into a new project (including website) featuring today’s most valued spiritual teachers. (Update! Toby’s website is now live at tobysebastian.org.)
Wow, right?
Living a life in tune with your deepest values is easier when you surround yourself with people already living theirs. And i am so lucky to say there is an abundance of inspirators in my life.
Creating habits for a healthy, conscious, minimal, joyful, connected, meaningful life of abundance and freedom is something i (will) write about regularly. Sharing experiences and growing up in public ;).
Do you feel like joining in or just giving me a thumbs up? Let me know in the comments which habits you’d like to create for yourself and WHY.
Thanks!
* Update: things change and now years later, Judith and Marco are no longer together as a couple. We are still close friends.
“What if you are not nearly as limited as you were led to believe? What if you are vast enough to hold and contain all of life’s energies, the ‘positive’ and the ‘negative’? What if you are beyond both, an ocean of consciousness, unified, boundless and free, in which even the deepest despair has a resting place?
What if your depression was simply your infinite intelligence calling you back Home, in the only way it knew how?
Your melancholy may contain natural medicine.”
From:
Jeff Foster: Falling in Love With Where You Are
CONFESSION: I loooove tattoos. My mother still believes it’s the influence of my love, Marco. But I think we just share our wish to ‘be naughty’ and paint our bodies in many colors of the rainbow, paying symbolic tribute to the beliefs, values and insights we hold dearly in life.
There are some questions around it arising in me at times: is this tattooing a thing of holding on, of identifying, of trying to create a story of me for myself or the outside world…? Or is it, as a friend put it: a shamanic practice, serving spiritual development? Or is it just play?
[fusion_builder_container hundred_percent=”yes” overflow=”visible”][fusion_builder_row][fusion_builder_column type=”1_1″ background_position=”left top” background_color=”” border_size=”” border_color=”” border_style=”solid” spacing=”yes” background_image=”” background_repeat=”no-repeat” padding=”” margin_top=”0px” margin_bottom=”0px” class=”” id=”” animation_type=”” animation_speed=”0.3″ animation_direction=”left” hide_on_mobile=”no” center_content=”no” min_height=”none”]The girl you see in this photo: I am absolutely in love with her body and the creativity she expresses through it.Is my naked skin sacred and am I harming my mother’s gift to me as I came into this world by putting ink into it…? Or is life one big painting brush and my skin one of the many possible canvases?
And although I don’t intend to be all covered in tattoos, I do like expressing some of the teachings that have meant a lot to me in my life, through the canvas of my skin.
Whether there’s only this one life or many others will follow, I choose in this one to play around a bit.[/fusion_builder_column][/fusion_builder_row][/fusion_builder_container]
When i saw this Ted Talk a little over a year ago, i felt so happy and inspired. To me, it’s about following what you in your heart believe to be true and right, even if that means going against mainstream and getting shouted at by some people.
When i tell people i Couchsurf often and hitchhike sometimes, they mostly weigh the comfort of traveling ‘for free’ against the risks of being dependent on strangers.
I ask them: do you know from experience what it’s like to PLAN a little bit less and instead TRUST life to provide you with anything you need? It’s spiritually liberating.
To me, the most joyous and fulfilling of experiences were given to me when i trusted the infinite originality of the universe more than my own limited mind.
While keeping a clear sense for avoiding stupidities, of course ;).
Let me know in the comments: when have you last CROWDSOURCED an open question for support instead of PLANNED your own solution?
