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Category: Inspired Business
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3 dingen die mijn leven veranderden (en mijn onderneming voeden)
Dit artikel is eerder verschenen op mijn blog op in1dagonline.nl.
Als ondernemer ben je allereerst natuurlijk mens. Je komt jezelf steeds tegen in alles wat je doet. Waarschijnlijk draag je nog wat oude angsten, beperkende overtuigingen en littekens met je mee. Ik in elk geval wel.
Gelukkig zijn er manieren om daarmee te werken. En als je dat doet, dan gebeurt er iets ‘magisch’, wat juist helemaal niet magisch is maar universele realiteit: alles begint in je voordeel te werken. Je ziet je missie helder voor je, beren op de weg veranderen in aaibare knuffeltjes en je dromen komen uit. Huh?
Misschien zet je de lessen die je zelf hebt geleerd in om anderen te ondersteunen. Laat je je eigen transformaties ten goede komen aan het grotere geheel dat we met z’n allen vormen. Want jouw pad en jouw blik zijn uniek en waardevol en kunnen dienen als inspiratie voor anderen die hun eigen weg zoeken.
Het kwam in me op om drie dingen met je te delen die mij immens hebben geholpen. Ze vormen nog steeds de basis van mijn dagelijkse innerlijk werk. Ze zijn onderdeel geworden van mijn ‘way of life’, net zoals ik elke dag eet, tanden poets en slaap. In dit artikel introduceer ik ze kort, en in de komende artikelen licht ik ze één voor één toe. Dit zijn ze:
1) Persoonlijk leiderschap
2) Bewustzijnswerk
3) Meditatie, natuur & stiltePersoonlijk leiderschap
Persoonlijk leiderschap is je vermogen om je eigen gedrag en reacties te bepalen. Een innerlijke houding te kiezen die ondersteunend is aan jezelf. Keuzes te maken afgestemd op je eigen waarden. In helderheid en harmonie te leven met jezelf en je omgeving. In contact te zijn met je diepste, vrije kern en van daar uit te handelen. Je kunt persoonlijk leiderschap ontwikkelen door je angsten aan te kijken, door te onderkennen hoe je jezelf saboteert en nieuw gedrag aan te leren, en door beperkende overtuigingen te vervangen door helpende overtuigingen.
Bewustzijnswerk
Bewustzijnswerk is innerlijk werk waarin je je bewustzijn verruimt. Dit kan in tamelijk milde vorm middels visualisaties en meditaties, of in sterkere vorm door het innemen van psychedelica (plantmedicijnen zoals ayahuasca en truffels) of ademwerk (mijn persoonlijke favoriet). Bewustzijnswerk geeft je toegang tot dimensies van de werkelijkheid die vanuit je normale denkgeest gesloten blijven. Het maakt je open voor spirituele inzichten en geeft je toegang tot (deels) onbewuste informatie die in je lichaam ligt opgeslagen. Veel mensen moeten een drempel over voordat ze aan bewustzijnswerk beginnen. Ze vinden het moeilijk om de controle los te laten. Ademwerk kan dan een goede ingang zijn, omdat het enerzijds heel veel potentie heeft en je anderzijds makkelijk zelf de intensiteit kunt bijsturen.
Meditatie, natuur & stilte
Ik heb deze drie bij elkaar gezet omdat ze alledrie uitnodigen om te zijn met wat er vanzelf is, en de rest weg te laten. Dat is soms nog een hele kunst. Het kan zo aanlokkelijk zijn om de leegte direct te vullen met gedachten, beweging, geluid enz. Maar in de loop van de tijd heb ik gemerkt dat de stilte juist ging roepen, en dat de natuur haar rijkdom en immense wijsheid juist toont als ik me ervoor beschikbaar maak. Meditatie helpt me om in mildheid te kijken naar alles wat er is. Niet alleen in aangewezen momenten, maar juist als levenshouding.
In de volgende artikelen licht ik per onderdeel toe hoe ik het leerde, wat me dat gebracht heeft en hoe ik het nog steeds toepas. De links komen hieronder te staan zodra de artikelen klaar zijn.
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Easy Summer party dish: tastefully grilled veggies
A grill pan is one of my favorite cooking ‘tools’: it’s fast, easy and healthy and the food looks beautiful.
Try this: chop some garlic and let sit in olive oil for some time.
Cut zucchinis, bell peppers and onions in nice large pieces, so it will be finger food when on the plate.
Cut an eggplant in halves, then quarts, lengthwise, leave the stem on. Slice in the flesh (but don’t cut through the skin).
Brush the garlic oil on the veggies. Use the pieces of garlic to stuff the eggplant with, and also rub some Italian herbs in the carves.
Now put all veggies on the grill (I have one that closes on top, so it grills on both sides simultaneously, like a tosti grill).
While the veggies are being grilled, go out in your garden (or kitchen cabinet) to find herbs, such as rosemary, oregano etc.
You can add the more thick leaved herbs like rosemary and thyme shortly before removing the veggies, the rest right after serving the hot vegetables on a serving plate. The dish is ready when the eggplant is cooked through and the other vegetables are fragrant and hot but still with a bite. Add salt and pepper to taste.
If you have a really good balsamic vinegar, now is a great time to drizzle :). Same goes for olive oil!
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Exploring new grounds: Costa Rica (I)
Digital nomading in Costa Rica
I landed in Costa Rica a few days ago, where I’ll be servicing my clients and creating new ways to make online income, as well as travel, see the country and get to know its people.
Digital nomading has been my lifestyle for the past couple of years already, but this is the first time I’m going all by myself.
I have wanted to travel alone since I was in high school. Today, I’m thirty five years old and finally doing it. It feels big and completely natural at the same time.
Why Costa Rica
The wonderful journey to Portugal (see all Summer in a VW Camper van posts) only a month or two ago, made me realize how happy and healthy I am when living close to nature. Costa Ricans (who like to call themselves ‘Ticos’) are supposedly masters of this lifestyle.
La Pura Vida
Their country is teaming with life, harbouring over 80% of all the world’s species of flora and fauna on its tiny surface.
The people are among the happiest in the world and the country is one of the global ‘hotspots’ for longevity. That means there are a lot of men and women over a hundred years old here.
How do they do that..? The answer lies in the country’s motto: La Pura Vida, the pure life. Keep things simple, keep moving, eat healthy foods, connect with others. Here, on the streets, it’s a way to say hi and bye: ‘pura vida!’.
Are you sure..?
Since I came here, I have also spoken to people who have a whole different experience with Costa Rica and some of its people.
I’m about to find out for myself and will of course blog about my experiences.
Get in touch
Are you a nomad in Costa Rica right now..? Feel free to connect!
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Emden, Northern Germany (Summer in a VW campervan I)
Moin! I’m in Emden, Ost-Friesland, Northern Germany and here, ‘Moin!’ is the way to say hi.
Update
Life has been wild and deep and the blog has been silent for the last couple of months. A new love has entered my life and I’ve spent quite some time here in Germany and roaming different places in The Netherlands, looking out for a steady place to live and meanwhile enjoying the location independent lifestyle.
Nomading
Sometimes, I really long to live somewhere steady, just to have a ‘basecamp’. However, the apartments I applied for so far have not yet turned out to be a match and although my mind sometimes feels sorry about that, my heart is calm and knows everything is alright and life is providing everything that is needed in just the right time.
As a direct example, this roaming lifestyle enables me to pay off my debt faster than I could have otherwise and frankly, feeling that weight slowly but steadily being lifted off my shoulders is huge.
Hit the road again
After six months of profound work, the hurt of the breakup still being felt, some exciting website jobs, a couple of ceremonial workshops, and five different houses I’ve taken care of or stayed at, the time has come for me to hit the road again.
Love Jan has bought a Volkswagen T5 van and is turning it into a comfortable campervan. He is a carpenter and works miracles with wood, making everything in here fit the curves of the bus just perfectly.
Meanwhile, I am working on a brand new look and functionality for this website using the van as my office. We expect to both be ready in a few days.
Volkswagen T5 campervan makeover
Some highlights of the work he is getting done: a big bed annex chill area, optimal storage space, a multifunctional mini kitchen to be used inside or outside of the vehicle and ‘swivel seats’, meaning we can turn around the driver and passenger seats to create a spacious and comfy home using the full length of the van.
He is getting all that done AND making us lovely breakfast each morning in his mother’s ‘Cafétje’, too!
What’s next
We’re almost done: Jan with the van, and I with the website. I’m totally excited about putting that live and then roadtripping down south, through Belgium, to France, Spain and Portugal. I’ve recently picked up playing guitar and expect to add a few songs to my songbook along the way, visit faraway friends and get some work done in the meantime as well.
I’m ready to find out what living in a campervan is really like… and will of course keep you posted whenever I can! If you have ever traveled this way, please do share your experience in the comments. Or, if you have questions about the VW campervan makeover, those are welcome as well!
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Our deepest fear
Here’s a poem I love by Marianne Williamson.
✾
Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate,
Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure.
It is our light and not our darkness that most frightens us.We ask ourselves:
Who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous, talented and fabulous?
Actually, who are you not to be?
You are a child of God.
There’s nothing enlightened about shrinking,
so that other people won’t feel insecure around you.We are meant to shine as children do.
We were born to manifest the glory of God that is within us.
It is not just in one of us.
It is in everyone.As we let our own light shine,
we unconsciously give other people permission to do the same.
As we are liberated from our fear,
our presence automatically liberates others.✾
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How to inspire people into action and start living the life of your dreams
Update 2021: I wrote this post several years ago. By now, I have a much more nuanced view. Then, I was on a Thai island, surrounded with online entrepreneurs, ‘living the life’. I was into traditional online marketing then, and the whole post now sounds a bit grotesque and manipulative to me. Still, there is also a lot of truth to what I wrote: stories do inspire. Your story does matter. And ‘we’ who aim to have a positive, peaceful, wholesome impact, have important stories of transformation to share, especially in this time. So I decided to leave this post up. Take from it what is in line with your deepest intentions and highest aspirations.
Are you an entrepreneur, or are you thinking of becoming one? Do you want to put your talents to work and make the world a shinier place? Does the PROMISE of your business make you feel energized, light, fulfilled, happy and strong?
If you’re like many entrepreneurs i know, you may at times feel that the reality of your business is different. It may feel heavier. It is dragging you along, or you are dragging IT along. You’re putting IN more energy than you are getting out of it. You may feel like you’re only working to pay your bills, relieved with any client who says yes…
If you believe it shouldn’t have to be that way, you are right. Here’s what I have found:
There is a way to lead a life of inspiration and share it in such a way that people will be ASKING to do business with you. ASKING you to share your ideas on their issues. ASKING you to create a service for their needs that they are willing to pay for.The way, put very simply, is this: be authentic, unapologetic and compassionate. Act from your deepest values, and share you story.
Imagine what your world will look like if you live your life and run your business like this!
You will be living consciously, following your purpose.
People will want to learn from you, because we naturally get drawn to those who live authentic lives.
Your sales conversations will be informal, effortless and fun.
You will be doing business touching lives,
and you will be doing so with ease and in flow.In this blogpost, I will explain one way to make this happen.
It takes courage, but I know from experience that if you apply this, it will TRANSFORM your business, your life and the way you feel about yourself and your work. It will impact how you walk this Earth, what you bring into it and how others will benefit. It’s true, because it’s TRUE.
Let me tell you a personal story:
Six years ago, I was going through a really rough time. I was working as a consultant for a well-known training company and although there were many parts of the work that I loved, I remember crying every morning in the car on my way to work. Until one day, I cracked. I panicked at work and went in fright mode. Heart racing, cold sweat, nausea, mind in overdrive, unstoppable tears. Exhausted.
While I was at home, unable to go back to the work place, I slowly started doing things that I loved: cooking, writing, sharing recipes. I read many blogs and… started my own. I taught myself how to work with WordPress.
I was thrilled by how fun and easy it was to create WordPress websites and by the time I had regained the energy and confidence to get back to work, I knew I wanted to start a business to show people how easily they could make themselves heard and seen online.
My hardship had given me a tremendous present: a new skill I could use to help people shine.
I brought a new concept into the market, launching peoples’ website within one intense day of 1-on-1 coaching and instruction. It was unique in its approach and soon it got copied by fellow website creators.
In those five years I have worked with over 200 entrepreneurs.
I invited clients to ask their questions freely and I would answer them on my blog, for everybody to benefit. This hugely improved the conversion of my sales conversations: people who called were already enthusiastic. They already knew me and knew what to expect from me.There are MANY website creators around, some working at ridiculously low rates, and in this very competitive market, I have built the business of my own dreams: a location independent business which enables me to work whenever, wherever.
I have traveled all over Europe and to Malaysia, India, Thailand enjoying this life of freedom. I have found inspiration everywhere and have shared all about it on my blogs.
Wherever I go, many people end up checking out my blog and magically… I get daily REQUESTS from people to work with THEM.Why am I telling you all this? To show you a few things. I’m sure you have seen them in your life already:
1. Any life experience is an invitation for you to learn.
You may resolve old patterns and make space for the lighter, healthier, more open and powerful you.
2. Anything you have learned, any process you have lived through, can be of benefit to others.
You can draw countless advices from your own experiences!And now here’s a big one which may really shift your mindset:
3. Anything which is of benefit to others, has a value which can be expressed in money.You may share you life’s transformations and turn them into a mini-course, either in a video or a blog post or a worksheet or an ebook…
You could then share it for money or in exchange for people’s email address, for example, so you can build a personal relationship. But I am jumping ahead of myself.Today I want to share with you one way of attracting the business and clients that are perfect for you, right now:
Inspire people into action by sharing your story
INSPIRE people into ACTION. Live by example and empower people to step into their own strength.
How to do that?
One thing that inspires people, is when you SHARE your STORY. People have been telling each other stories for ages. We all understand the concept of a journey. We are all the hero in our own story, or we want to be. We have all faced obstacles and overcome them. Stories are elegant ways of conveying a message.
This is one super strong way in which you can inspire people: by sharing your story of personal transformation and growth.
But don’t let it end there! Your next step is… to help people take the next step!
You want to inspire people INTO ACTION. You can help people see that this change can happen for them, too. Paint the picture of where they are now and where they will be when they take the action you propose.How to inspire people into action
1. Share your story in a lively way
2. Distill your method
3. Tell people their action
4. Show them their transformation (use all of the senses)1. Share your story
Old situation – something happened – new situation
In colorful details, using all of the senses, describe where you were at the beginning of your story. Then, shortly describe what happened that made the difference. And finally, describe your transformation. Try to answer these questions:
What were the results?
How did you feel?
What went differently from then on?2. Distill your method
Take your “something happened” and distill it into actionable steps. Tell them that in a simplified way, this is what you did.
3. Tell people their action
Make it simple. Tell them: if you are in this situation, you need to take THESE STEPS.
4. Show them their transformation
Show exactly how happy, relieved, fulfilled, open, energized and/or grounded you felt having lived this transformation. Really bring it to life! And help them imagine how they would feel in your shoes.
Bring it to life in a way that people get to see the real you. Use informal language. Imagine you are talking to your best friend or your family. Use the words you would be using with them. This way, you connect with people on a personal level.
You will open people up to the possibility that they can have the same result as you… and they can! Have you ever seen the light that shines in people’s eyes when they feel inspired? This is the light that shines in each of us.
It can be anything
Now – you may feel you don’t have a lot to share. But remember that you can literally take the smallest successes in your life and draw from ANY life experience. There is always someone with the same problem.
Search for the smallest bits of experience that you can find. When i work with clients, we use a structured process to find how THEY can inspire people into action and trust me, the options are countless.
Over to you
Want to share your story in the comments? Please do! Don’t forget to mention the transformation you saw in your life and which your clients may see in theirs. I’m looking forward!
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Stop selling your soul and start doing work that you love
Do you ever feel that in order to make money, you are selling your soul?
I used to feel like that:
…When I was working for a company division where I didn’t agree with their approach and solutions.
…When scoring a deal was so important that I worked with clients whose business was against my beliefs.
…When I was running my own business and wasn’t clear on the value I could bring to people.I could say it felt horrible, but that is not even true. Back then, it felt… normal. Although some voice inside was always saying that maybe it could (and should) be different, I just gently put it aside.
Until I didn’t.
It took a mental breakdown for me to turn things around.I remember crying every morning in the car on my way to work. Until one day, I cracked. I panicked at work and went in fright mode. Heart racing, cold sweat, nausea, mind in overdrive, unstoppable tears. Exhausted.
I stayed at home, sick, for months. And I wasn’t taking good care of myself either, drinking too much and smoking cigarettes.
At the same time, I was finding ways towards healing: meditation, ayahuasca. Doing great amounts of self reflection, facing my shadows. Discovering my talents. Accepting the loving care and patience of my love Marco*, my friends and dear family.
And eventually, all of that is what led me to become an entrepreneur.
Ruin is a gift. Ruin is the road to transformation.
Elisabeth GilbertWhen I was at home, unable to go back to the work place, I started doing the things that I loved: cooking, writing, sharing recipes. I read many blogs and started my own. I taught myself how to work with WordPress.
I didn’t know it at the time, but one year later I would be teaching people how to start THEIR own website. It felt great to be selling something which had helped me in my life. Even when I still considered myself a beginner, there were already so many people who could benefit from my experience! And as my skills and insight increased, my business mirrored that growth.
The process hasn’t ended there. Still now, I keep moving closer towards more authenticity, more personality, more truth, speaking from the heart. No more selling your soul, ever. Unless “selling your soul” means “to make a living sharing what you value most”.
I now exclusively work with people who aim to have their website and newsletter reflect what they REALLY stand for (and with individuals on their health through breathwork, but that’s another chapter). If you’re interested and wondering if this is for you, contact me.
My work serves people to bring out the best in themselves and share their gift with the world, because I know from my own experience how deeply satisfying it is to live your life like this.
What do you truly value in life? Is the way you earn money aligned with this?
* Update: life goes on, things change and Judith and Marco are no longer together as a couple. We are still close friends.
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On Tiny Habits (or: why pee wins where willpower fails)
Do you have the tiniest inclination to make a change in the way you spend your days? Then watch this video on creating Tiny Habits. It may change your life.
For all the times you tried to incorporate something into your lifestyle and gave up after a few tries or even only one… this is the thing that truly makes a difference.
Here’s how it works: in stead of using willpower, which costs you a lot of energy and is far less effective, you can set tiny goals and make yourself successful at them time and time again.
You’ll start liking your new behavior, feel great about yourself and, out of enthusiasm (as opposed to willpower) naturally extend your new tiny habit into a Big one.
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Tiny examples
- After i pee, i do 5 situps.
- After i brush my teeth, i floss 1 tooth.
- After i stand up from my chair, i pick up 1 thing to clean.
- After i send an email, i take 1 minute to watch my breath.
- After i get up in the morning, i light 1 candle.
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What’s this thing about pee you mentioned?
Using the Tiny Habits method, you will hook your new behavior into your day by anchoring it to something you do anyway. My favorite trigger has always been peeing: “after i pee, i will…”.
I love having a strong belly. It makes me feel grounded and full of energy and inner strength. To strengthen my belly, i want to do daily situps. I choose an amount of situps that (to me) is ridiculously low, so i will have no excuse to skip. So i picked up this tiny habit:
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Each time i pee, i will do 20 situps.I started only two days ago, i already did about 8 or 10 times 20 situps and i feel great about it!
Btw, i know that to many, 20 situps is not ‘tiny’ but rather a lot. So whatever you consider tiny is personal. If i would do pushups, i would probably start with 3. The trick is to set your goal to an amount that is something you can not NOT do because there is just no excuse. It may sound silly but this is the way it works.
How does it work?
Tiny Habits is a great method to introduce new habits in your lifestyle in a fun and super-sustainable way.
I have been using it often to get started with wholesome habits in my life such as drinking lemon juice every morning, sprouting my own beans, exercising daily and tidying my home.
Here are the steps according to B.J. Fogg, the creator of Tiny Habits:
Step 1: Get specific
What behavior do you want?
Translate target outcomes and goals into behaviors.
And be specific.Step 2: Make it easy
How can you make the behavior easy to do?
Simplicity changes behavior.Step 3: Trigger the behavior
What will prompt the behavior?
Some triggers are natural. Others you must design.
No behavior happens w/o a trigger.Just watch the video, then all of the above will make even more sense. Or ask your question in the comments, i will do my best to answer from my own experience and insight.
If you want to know more and get automated email guidance by B.J. Fogg, the creator of Tiny Habits, check out this site: http://tinyhabits.com/ (new window).[/fusion_builder_row][/fusion_builder_container]
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Mindmapping for beginners
Have you ever felt overloaded with thoughts and ideas? Was it ever hard for you to start writing on a report, presentation or project because there was so much going on in your head?
Knowing how to make a mindmap gives you clarity, focus, creativity and helps you to convey a set of ideas more easily to other people. I often advise clients to develop their ideas in a mind map.
Be it their life vision, business ideas, or website wishes: what used to be an amorphous cloud of thoughts, questions and to do’s through creating the mindmap becomes a beautiful and energizing set of ideas and their relationships.
It may require some exercise, but soon you’ll be drawing mindmaps for everything. All my ideas, I pour in a mind map. Whether it is a vision for years or a site plan for the day: there is a mind map. It especially helps me to clear my mind when it’s overloaded with big and small ideas.
Why mind mapping in stead of a to do list?
The reason that mind mapping works so well is that the mind mapping process reflects our brain processes way better than linear lists do. Think about it: thoughts are never neatly categorized by your thought machine, are they? Details and guidelines, risk factors and pots of gold, they all come in the same minute, with the same sense of urgency. And just when you’re working out something BIG, occasionally there will be a little voice saying: “I need new shoelaces.”
For all those ‘entities’ there is space in the mindmapping process. Eventually, they will all settle in their rightful place.
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Become an expertMy dear friend Tomas Libas is rapid learning coach.In a recent workshop here in Thailand, he advised to always create a mind map when reading a book. This way, you can easily revisit the book anytime and in a glance get the essence of it.
Review your mind maps daily, then weekly, then monthly and yearly and everything you read, will stick.
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How to create a mind map
This basic approach has been working wonders for me:
Sit down with an empty sheet of paper (or a few of them), a pen and colored pencils or crayons.
Close your eyes. Take a few slow breaths.
Now gently focus your concentration on the subject of your mindmap.
Then, open your eyes, take the pen and start writing keywords.
[/fusion_builder_column]Dump all your ideas, knowledge, tasks (depending on what your mind maps is about) from your brain onto paper. Use keywords. It may be criss-cross. You will categorize later, don’t worry about that now. Good or bad idea, important or unimportant, large or small, crazy or completely obvious, everything gets a spot. Just write down everything that comes to mind.
It’s like popping popcorn
Have you ever popped popcorn (in a pan or in the microwave oven)? Have you noticed how the speed at which the corn kernels pop first increases, until there’s a blast, and then it slows down?
Mindmapping feels the same. You will notice that at first you’ll be searching a bit, preparing the brain for the release to come. Finding the ‘way in’.
Probably within one or a few minutes, you will be writing fast, because there is so much ‘stuff’ (from the brightest insight to the smallest nagging thought) occupying space in your mind that wants to come out. This will build up to the ‘popcorn blast’.
Finally, you will slow down. The rate at which new ideas surface, will decrease. You will know when you are ready. Take a minute to enjoy the spaciousness of your mind at ease…. Ahhhhh.
Now, it’s time for the next step.
In a moment, you’ll circle the words that are related with the same color. First, take a moment to look at your paper and take up the words that are there.
You will start to see how some of them belong together in groups. So now, grab your crayons and start circling, using one color for each group.
This is the part where new insights often emerge as well! For example, you may find a whole new source of solutions to your problem.
Finished with coloring? Grab a new sheet of paper, put your subject in the center and from the center, draw branches. give each color its own branch. If a group is subdivided, make a smaller branch. You may also doodle and get all artsy with it, if you like. When you finish, you have a colorful and inspiring image instead of a boring list like any other.New links and fresh ideas
In workshops, I have facilitated groups of people in mindmapping together. That is a magical process where new things arise that previously didn’t. This happens also if you make a mind map just for yourself: you will start to see connections that you had not put first. Insights and epiphanies will arise, and you and your project can go into flow.Many people use a mind map when they give a presentation. It’s easier to remember your presentation and improvisation comes more naturally when using a mindmap. The one that is shown above, for example, would be great if you wanted to teach people the basics of tennis.
In the Inspired Web Presence Program, one of the many things we cover is how you can use the mindmapping process to create awesome, inspiring blog posts or a the outline of an ebook, for example. Learn more.
This blog post is an adaptation of my earlier post on mindmapping on my Dutch website: In1DagOnline.nl.
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How embracing resistance helps me to Get Things Done
There was a time in my life when i used to go to work every morning, crying and in despair.
I did not want to be in this job anymore, but out of fear i didn’t allow these feelings to move me into action. What i feared was the sense of failure. And i didn’t know where to find my way out. I was exhausting myself by moving away from the truth that was shouting to my face, because i was afraid to face it.
I was naming all the good things about this job, pushing myself to believe them and push away the feelings of despair that existed deep within.
Eventually, the decision was made for me. I had exhausted myself enough to be burned out, sick, unable to work for months.
Embrace resistance
Do you know this feeling when you’re ‘supposed’ to do something, but you don’t feel like doing it at all? It may be as simple as doing the dishes, or taking your kids from school. Or it may be as deeply rooted as being with your partner or taking care of your kids… or even living your life altogether.
Here is one thing that i found incredibly helpful in dealing with the stuff in our lives that we would rather NOT have there:
Embrace your resistance.
Among other things, embracing your resistance will help you:
1. Get things done anyway
2. Show you what you truly value
3. Change anything you wantHow does that work?
So embracing is the opposite of resisting, right? Suppose i feel great resistance in finishing a task, such as finishing my ebook.
As long as i resist my resistance, it has a piece of me. I am slave to the experience of resisting. I may hate the task, think badly of myself, get angry at the circumstances that put me here or just close off my feelings altogether, finding excuses to make it all seem right while deep inside, it doesn’t feel alright.
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All these things can come from resisting resistance (or any experience):Procrastination (putting off till tomorrow), shame, self-hatred, guilty feelings, loss or uncontrollable increase of sexual drive, loss of energy, physical ailments, loss of creativity, addiction, irritability, thrill-seeking, exhaustion, aggression, apathy, depression… and much, much more.
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Maybe i have even found a spiritual path that helps me to move away from what is going on inside. It may look like ‘noting, knowing, letting go’ as is taught in Vipassana meditation, for example, but actually be my ‘advanced’ way of moving away from my experience.Or my spiritual practice may tell me i need to open up all my chakras, one by one, and only then i will be free. Until then, i am not enough, more work needs to be done and my suffering continues.
Sadly, where i am now, i see this happening all the time.
[/fusion_builder_column]This is why i propose to embrace whatever IS in this very moment. Especially if it looks ugly. When i consciously embrace, it’s like shouting a cosmic YES. In daily life, it may sound like this:
“YES, I really deeply wish i wouldn’t need to finish this project right now. I just want to curl up on the couch.”
“YES, i really f*cking hate having to do this right now!”
“YES, i don’t like meeting this person at ALL.”Can you feel the difference?
Embracing any thoughts and feelings of resistance will help you rise beyond. You will see that acknowledging whatever is, opens up space immediately. I have seen people burst out in deep unstoppable laughter of relief just because they could finally allow what was here all the time into the fullness of their experience.
This one who is aware of the experience, is free.
(If you still believe you are not free, look deeper until you find the place where you are. People come to realize this Freedom in prison and during the holocaust.)
Embracing resistance to whatever is, will help you…
1. Get things done anyway
Some things just need doing. We all live in a human body that needs to be taken care of. We may have children under our guidance and we may have made commitments to people and causes.
Maybe you fear that once you acknowledge these feelings of resistance, you will not do your obligations anymore. But realize this; you are setting yourself free. From this Freedom, truth and insight arises. You will finally be free to say:
YES i hate doing this AND i will still do it because i love my kids and this is the commitment i made and CHOOSE to hold.
We are free to feel resistance and choose to get things done anyway. We may feel uncomfortable, it may be unpleasurable, but because we are aware of the fullness of our experience and everything in it, we are ALL THE MORE free to go ahead and sort our stuff.
2. Show you what you truly value
Because we are no longer closing off, our experience is full. In full, open awareness, our deepest longings and truths will reveal themselves.
Your resistance is telling you something. It may just be telling you that you don’t like something. That’s fine, no biggie! Outsource it next time or choose to just do this thing you don’t like and be happy about it.
Or… it may be your heart speaking to you that you are not living in truth. Maybe you no longer wish to work for this employer. Maybe your relationship needs an honest meeting in truth. Maybe you need help in caring for your kids, to free up space for your own creative expression.
Embracing your resistance will open you up to the full experience of being You and from there, your answers will effortlessly bubble up.
3. Change anything you want
If you wanted to change the weather, you probably couldn’t. But you can be happy and in flow regardless. You are Free. And from this freedom, you can always ask yourself: what is my next step?
Is it to drop into being to listen to your inner voice, or to step into action? Do what needs to be done, and find your Freedom inside. This will change everything. Start practicing this and you will find that wherever you walk, the ground will come up to meet you. Go check for yourself; for this knowing has to come from your own experience.
And please… if you wish, share your experiences. I’d be very happy to hear them!
I write more on this in my ebook. You can download it by clicking the link and leaving your name and email.[/fusion_builder_row][/fusion_builder_container]