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Category: Videos
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We are social by nature (Jean Liedloff: The Continuum Concept)
“You get what you expect in life, not what you want.”
– Jean LiedloffA beautiful video about nurturing your kids with proximity, touch and the crucial practice of letting them explore the world by themselves.
About trusting nature, our natural talents and our innate tendency to live up to social expectations – and how the latter can both benefit and damage us!
- How can we keep our little ones safe – and what really is safety?
- How can we teach them responsible behavior?
- How do we stop inadvertedly communicating to our kids that we do not believe they are capable of the task we are asking them to do?
- How do many of our common practices in hospital, daycare or home environment instill a sense of ‘something is wrong with me’… and what can we do about it?
- And what are the societal implications of this misguided behavior we as adults show towards kids?
- Moreover, how can we learn from indigenous cultures to restore our connection to our natural talents?
If you only want to see one strong example of how we inadvertedly teach our kids to be dependent and incapable, watch the example of Donovan and his mother starting at 34′. But truly the whole video is worth watching.
I found Jean a bit strong in her expressions in the beginning of the video but then I realised that she was speaking in a different time, from a different culture and that probably much of her work and tone are the reason I can now be a bit more relaxed about it.
We have instinctively been practicing the principles Jean mentions in this video. It feels only natural to nurture a deep and close connection with our kid (now 14 months old) while giving her space to explore the world and learn from ‘mistakes’.
This video (recommended by a dear friend) has been a huge inspiration and encouragement. We also took a few tips from it and I feel grateful to now understand one change I need to make: I will not raise my finger anymore to impose my authority. In the video, Jean will explain why.
Jean Liedloff’s has written The Continuum Concept.
The learnings I took from Jean also connect closely to Susan Stiffelman’s in Parenting with Presence, which I wrote about here.
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Beauty and the invitation to let go
A few days ago I ran into a friend whom I hadn’t seen in over a year. I was delighted to see him, we hugged and exchanged some updates about our lives. I felt vibrant and enthusiastic, but somehow that didn’t translate into our communication. Something in my facial expression felt weirdly off. The feedback I got from my face’s muscles didn’t seem to reflect the emotion I was feeling.
What’s happening with my face?
The left side of my tongue had been numb for a little over a day as well, and as I became aware of the strange sensations in my face, suddenly an unsettling understanding kicked in. I rushed to the toilet and tried to smile at myself in the mirror. Bang, there it was. My face was split in half: the right half was my familiar face, with fine lines, a few wrinkles and full of expression. The left half looked years younger and strangely still… moving the muscles required hard work and sorted minimum effects. What was going on?!
Decay
Lately, I have been reflecting on the changes of my body. Skin is wrinkling and getting saggy in places, cellulitis is showing and my breasts and arms are not as firm as they used to be. My joints need longer to readjust after sitting in one posture for some time. It’s not as easy to jump a fence as it was only a few years ago. These things are moving from subtle changes into unmistakable first signs of decay. As everything in nature and life is a constant movement of birth and death, so is this body…
‘You are so beautiful’
For most of my life (and still now) I have felt incredibly blessed with having a healthy, pretty body and face. Wherever I go, people respond positively to the way I look. I have often been told I look beautiful. I have always appreciated my luck and also always known that this beauty was futile and fleeting when just concerning the outside, the packaging. That could all fall away in a split second. And then what’s left? My efforts in self development have therefore mostly been on the inside, and much less the outside. These last days, I have thanked myself over and over for that.
Bell’s Palsy
So now here it is: a facial paralysis. The doctor gave it a name: Bell’s palsy (my Mac has a sense of humor and keeps trying to autocorrect it into Bell’s party). There is about an 80% chance the nerve will fully recover within a month or three, and I trust that it will be so. (Especially when watching the video, I seem to have a rather mild case.) And whatever is here to stay, is welcome as well. I am inviting in whatever experience is here to unwind any false attachments.
Change
It is with wonder that I look at my new face these days. In a way, it’s a look back into the past, because in the ‘silent’ part of my face, there are no more wrinkles nor frowns. The paralyzed part of my face is youthful and serene, like the effects botox would have (free trial, yay 😉 ).
Also, eating and drinking are a whole new experience. Whatever is not working now, shows the intricate teamwork of so many facial muscles that usually provide for a pleasant, clean and efficient meal.
Sad about the loss of expression
What saddens me, is the changed look of spontaneous laughter and surprise, or love, or friendliness on my face. When I express these emotions while seeing myself, for example when making a Skype call, I can see it looks off. I’m becoming aware of how much the expression of an emotion also feeds back into the experience of a situation. When I laugh out loud and see or feel my face ‘stuck’ in a different configuration of muscle tensions, the emotion doesn’t last as long and changes into something new faster.
Why hide?
Plus, of course, people’s reactions are different. With strangers I sometimes want to hide my face. With family and friends it feels ok to be naked like this. I will have the next couple of weeks to explore this further.
What’s this telling me?
And then there is the question of how I invited this medical situation into my life. It’s a huge signpost that something wants to be changed. I am making small changes to my diet, have started eating meat and fish every now and then because it feels good for my body in this moment and I have let go of sugary candies again. It’s also inviting a deeper look into self expression in my life. Writing, dancing, playing music, conversations with people, work, relationship, physical activity. I realized that I need to move way more than I have in the past couple of months.
What remains of me?
And most of all, it is inviting me to let go of any false image that remains of ‘me’. It is great to enjoy a body that works without fail and looks pretty, making it easy to connect with others and express myself. But what remains of me when that falls away? Is it anything less? As with the aging process, thoughts arise about parts of this body being unpleasant to look at, accompanied with feelings of unworthiness. The clear seeing of this knows without question that this is utter bullshit, but the thoughts arising deserve attention rather than just being cast aside as nonsense.
I can see how this party Mr Bell is throwing for me could be here to show me exactly that.
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PS: although the video shows the case a bit milder than it actually is, I have already seen some improvements since this morning and I am in good hopes that all function will return. Many cases of Bell’s may be more severe than this one.
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On Tiny Habits (or: why pee wins where willpower fails)
Do you have the tiniest inclination to make a change in the way you spend your days? Then watch this video on creating Tiny Habits. It may change your life.
For all the times you tried to incorporate something into your lifestyle and gave up after a few tries or even only one… this is the thing that truly makes a difference.
Here’s how it works: in stead of using willpower, which costs you a lot of energy and is far less effective, you can set tiny goals and make yourself successful at them time and time again.
You’ll start liking your new behavior, feel great about yourself and, out of enthusiasm (as opposed to willpower) naturally extend your new tiny habit into a Big one.
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Tiny examples
- After i pee, i do 5 situps.
- After i brush my teeth, i floss 1 tooth.
- After i stand up from my chair, i pick up 1 thing to clean.
- After i send an email, i take 1 minute to watch my breath.
- After i get up in the morning, i light 1 candle.
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What’s this thing about pee you mentioned?
Using the Tiny Habits method, you will hook your new behavior into your day by anchoring it to something you do anyway. My favorite trigger has always been peeing: “after i pee, i will…”.
I love having a strong belly. It makes me feel grounded and full of energy and inner strength. To strengthen my belly, i want to do daily situps. I choose an amount of situps that (to me) is ridiculously low, so i will have no excuse to skip. So i picked up this tiny habit:
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Each time i pee, i will do 20 situps.I started only two days ago, i already did about 8 or 10 times 20 situps and i feel great about it!
Btw, i know that to many, 20 situps is not ‘tiny’ but rather a lot. So whatever you consider tiny is personal. If i would do pushups, i would probably start with 3. The trick is to set your goal to an amount that is something you can not NOT do because there is just no excuse. It may sound silly but this is the way it works.
How does it work?
Tiny Habits is a great method to introduce new habits in your lifestyle in a fun and super-sustainable way.
I have been using it often to get started with wholesome habits in my life such as drinking lemon juice every morning, sprouting my own beans, exercising daily and tidying my home.
Here are the steps according to B.J. Fogg, the creator of Tiny Habits:
Step 1: Get specific
What behavior do you want?
Translate target outcomes and goals into behaviors.
And be specific.Step 2: Make it easy
How can you make the behavior easy to do?
Simplicity changes behavior.Step 3: Trigger the behavior
What will prompt the behavior?
Some triggers are natural. Others you must design.
No behavior happens w/o a trigger.Just watch the video, then all of the above will make even more sense. Or ask your question in the comments, i will do my best to answer from my own experience and insight.
If you want to know more and get automated email guidance by B.J. Fogg, the creator of Tiny Habits, check out this site: http://tinyhabits.com/ (new window).[/fusion_builder_row][/fusion_builder_container]
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Mushroom foraging
Connecting with nature
Have you ever foraged your own dinner? Have you gone into the fields or woods to collect plants or mushrooms for food? How did you like doing that? Let me tell you how i felt when i went out into the forest with my friend Ton last week (thank you Ton for being my mushroom teacher!):I felt joyful, I felt grateful. I felt in awe with and humbled by nature’s beauty, variety and potency. I felt very much connected and alive.
The whole experience of walking, paying attention, determining, respectfully choosing, cleaning and carrying the yield is just delightful.
Dangerous
Have you learned that foraging mushrooms is dangerous? That it’s easy to mistake the edible for the poisonous and get ill? I was taught the same, and… it’s true! If you eat the wrong kind, you might die. And yes, the deadly kind are in your area too, (possibly) cuddled in between the healthy ones.So… let’s not touch any wild mushrooms ever, ok?
Hm. Not ok.
Crossing the street is dangerous, too. Diving and mountain climbing are dangerous, and still many of us do it. Riding a bicycle is dangerous. Building a hut is dangerous. But all of these are also very practical, exhilarating, or even spiritual experiences.Dangerous is not bad per se. It just requires a mindful approach. So before you do it, you want to learn how to do it. By asking for guidance, by practicing and double-checking, by taking the next step when you know you are ready. Step by step, you become skilled.
Why would you?
Well… have you ever eaten wild mushrooms? The taste is amazing! Nutty, peppery, earthy or fruity aromas. Chewy, velvety, meaty structures… wow. That really doesn’t compare to anything you find in a store. Markets may be better already, but still.Moreover, there’s nothing like foraging your own food before eating it. In fact, it’s one of the things that can make people live for a long, long time!
The broccoli-shaped food in the picture? That’s a mushroom! Because of its shape, it holds fluids very well so it’s juicy like broccoli florets, and the flesh resembles chicken meat! It’s delicious and i love it.
You decide
As grownups, we have learned to give up control in certain areas of our lives. Collecting and preparing food are good examples. Now there isn’t anything wrong with outsourcing what you don’t fancy doing yourself.BUT if the experience of collecting your own food appeals to you, then let’s not believe anyone who says it is too dangerous for us to do it ourselves. If you are willing to learn, you can.
Find yourself a teacher. Find good information from a trusted source. Do not trust a recipe website, amateur forum or random Youtube channel to tell you which mushrooms to pick and which to leave. Check who authored trusted guides, buy the books and find their online info.
Let this girl be your example
The girl in the video is almost four years old. To some it may be shocking that she is playing with mushrooms. I find it beautiful. She is learning what her natural habitat has to offer: both the threats and the treats. (It’s in Dutch, that’s irrelevant. The language of play and learning is universal 😉 ).Whoever told you you can’t do what she is doing? I’m not saying you have to. But you can.
Recipe wild mushrooms
Heat some olive oil and fry the sliced mushrooms. Add salt and pepper. I like to keep it basic to enjoy the pure rich taste. Mushrooms will give a great umami (= hearty) taste to plain (leafy) vegetables or pasta. Also nice as topping for a soup and a brilliant addition to risotto.
Let’s be loving foragers
Please take respectfully, and no more than you need and will use. Also be careful not to damage plants or trees. Do find out which kinds are plentiful and which need to be protected. -
Where The Hell Is Matt?
One of my all-time favorites. When i first saw this video, a big happy smile came to my face. For it shows shameless ‘bad dancing’ (Matt’s own words) in places all over the world, crossing cultures through laughter and dance.
Matt also inspired me to find a way to make money and travel, or to make money THROUGH travel, because he has done very well for himself by creating these viral videos.
Yay for Matt.